Talking to Dog about Taking Things

I caught Dog taking what was not freely given the other day. Someone had left the cooler unzipped and on the floor. The family members were all out doing something and I had to go to the bathroom. I heard some unusually noises while I was in there doing my stuff.

When I came out the telltale signs of the crime were spread about the floor – large chunks of half eaten sandwich and chewed on plastic wrap. Dog slunk off into the corner cowering under the table. I just laughed.

Very quickly he came back out again with a guilty look on his face. I suspect his previous owners would have gone postal on him based on how he acted right after we got him from the dog pound. He seems like a much happier dog now.

My guess is that there is a lot of history between humans and dogs that tell them instinctively not to take that which is not freely given. If the opportunity presents itself though, Dog will take advantage and then beg for forgiveness afterward.

I guess doing the ‘crime’ is enticing and the risk of getting caught exciting, and the punishment enough of an existential threat so that sandwiches get eaten when left out.

Fictional Conversation with a Rat Terrier

“Hey Dog, why did you eat the sandwich?” I asked.

“What sandwich?” said Dog, “You saw nothing.”

“You know what sandwich Dog, and your guilty. Who else could have done it? If it wasn’t you why are you hiding under the table?” I asked.

“This is where I go to feel safe and secure after guarding the castle against rats and other vermin. Besides where’d you get the sandwich anyway? I’ve never seen you chasing chickens or anything. Maybe I’ve seen you pulling some scrawny potatoes out of the yard and a few berries that are hardly worth eating, but by in large you don’t seem to do a whole lot,” said Dog.

“Dog, Dog, oh ye of such little faith. I can pull chicken butt out of thin air,” I said with a smile.

“I don’t believe that,” said Dog.

“Hey Dog, RAT!” I said pointing off in the corner.

Dog raced around sniffing wildly. “Where? Where?!? let me at it. I smell nothing?”

Reaching into the mini fridge I quickly dumped the chicken into the dog bowl. “Behold Dog, chicken butt,” I said laughing.

“Human, you amaze me,” said Dog.

“You see Dog, once upon a time, long long ago, before you were born even, I used to write software for finding oil and other resources deep under the ground. It paid very well. Of course it took many, many years of rather esoteric education to get the job. Plus I’ve done other things too. So to make a long story short I no longer have to chase chickens to eat.” I said.

“Isn’t the burning of fossil fuels destroying the planet?” asked Dog.

“Who told you that? You can’t prove that,” I said.

“You can’t prove anything human, but why burn fossil fuel when there are better alternatives?” asked Dog.

“Your right Dog. I told you that was a long time ago. I’ve reformed and I try not to steal anymore. I’m just trying to get along in this world,” I said.

“I don’t think it is really stealing Human; if a sandwich is there you eat it right?” said Dog.

“Perhaps Dog, perhaps...” I said.

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