Journal – Poopie Dream
Okay, why am I getting such odd dreams lately? (Maybe that’s somewhat normal for me, I guess) I’m kind of hesitating about posting this but I thought it was interesting and I promise to someday post some more edifying material… someday...
So often times I have bathroom type dreams where I have to go but there is something wrong about my ability to do so. Usually this involves peeing and I spend endless dream time wandering around looking for a bathroom. Usually the conditions are really bad when I finally find one – open cesspools, filthy cramped toilets and that kind of thing. When I finally do go I can’t get any relief.
Last night I dreamed that I pooped on myself. This is kind of a first for me. I’m sleeping outside of a hospital in the cold in my pajamas and I wake up with a big load in my pants. I wander into the hospital looking for a place to clean myself up but there are no bathrooms. I’m kind of holding my pants to keep from dropping a load on the clean floor.
I run across an elderly looking nurse on a completely empty floor. There is no privacy anywhere but luckily there are no other patients in the empty beds which are lined up in this large open room with no partitions.
I ask, “Where’s the bathroom?” and the nurse looks up and notices I have a bit of a problem. She offers to try to help fix things which normally would have embarrassed me a bit but since there was no one around I agree. She doesn’t seem to know what to do though, apparently this was something that doesn’t usually happen in a hospital with no bathrooms.
Artists rendition – should be safe to view at work ;)
Meaning
What does this dream mean? I have my own thoughts about it but your welcome to say anything that comes to mind too.
I feels a lot like going back to the helplessness of childhood to me. Not even being able to control such a simple thing as going to the bathroom and messing up your cloths.
Sleeping out in the street reminds me of how easy it is to go from doing well to being broke. I’m doing reasonable well I suppose but at any time jobs can be lost and the very economy we depend on feels a lot like Mr. Toads Wild Ride.
Hospitals don’t feel like a really good place to relieve a simple medical condition like taking a poop, let alone a place to go for some type of death with dignity. I would much rather have hospice care myself the way I feel about it at this point.
The nurse was looking tired and overworked more like the cleaning crew than an advanced healer. Because of the administrations lack of very basic things like bathrooms her job was made much harder.
The fact that there was nobody in the hospital showed me that there was no reason to be embarrassed about needing to get help. Additionally, perhaps it was empty because I feel no one could afford to be there.
My mom pays $400 a month just for her Medicare supplemental insurance. She needs a cataract operation but feels like she needs to pay another $5000 an eye out of pocket to get it done. I guess there is a nicer lens that she wants. I feel like they should just be producing the best job that they can and stop making all the ‘cheap’ lenses. I don’t understand this crazy system sometimes.
I could go on and on about my experiences with medical insurance but it could turn into a rant.
Thank goodness this was just a dream yet if this was really life I wouldn’t even bother looking around for a bathroom. I would just ease that bad boy down my pant-leg and deposit it on the sidewalk and wander off like nothing had happened. Looking causal as best I could to hopefully not get an expensive ticket for stinking up the place. If society isn’t able to take care of providing the very basic needs of the population then what else can you do at that point?
Once when I was younger I really needed to go to the bathroom but it was locked from the inside and nobody ever came out. I’ve learned since then that sometimes those heated public bathrooms turn into someone's house in the winter time – that's an awfully expensive public housing project if you ask me.
Additional Thoughts
Maybe the dream was kind of sign that things are beginning to flow again for me. Some of this crap is beyond my capacity to take care of or really change. At least it is stuck outside of me even though I’m still worried about it and carrying it around trying to deal with it properly.
Some things are really beyond my capacity to control and I can’t stop things from happening while I’m asleep and waking up in a pile of crap isn’t much fun but it is better than holding things for so long your body shuts down from constipation.
Walking
I wrote most of the above this morning and then I walked to my eye exam. I went right past about a hundred ducks all wandering along the path. Their home was frozen solid. I was kind of late so I rushed right past.
After the exam when I returned I spent some more time with them and tried to break up the ice a bit so they could get a drink. It was too thick to break without getting my shoe wet so I stepped on what looked like a rock so as to move it against the ice to break it. My eyes were all dilated so I couldn’t tell that it was really a giant mud ball. My shoe got a big wad of mud stuck all over it.
I wandered away scrapping a big trail of mud on the sidewalk. Finally I stopped and scrapped the mud off my shoe with a stick. I left it in the middle of the trail but then thought I should move it because it looked a lot like crap and I didn’t want somebody to get upset if they stepped on it.
Obviously duck pond mud
Walking along further I saw the body of a frozen dead squirrel right in the middle of the path. I almost stepped on it because my vision was so distorted. I never even saw it earlier when I passed through.
It was looking so alive as it laid there with not a single mark on it. It was healthy and well feed a far as I could see. I thought about reaching down and rubbing its tummy to try and warm it up. It looked so peaceful there, it almost seemed like I could wake it. I took a picture but most people don’t like to see that kind of thing.
Some things you really can’t do much about - you can just plow ahead and hope for the best.
Thanks for reading! Photo’s are taken by me with a Galaxy S7 and processed in software.