Journal - Love, hate, responding and reacting

My mom and I were talking the other day, somehow every moment feels precious and each time I do something there is the faint idea: “There is always a last time to do anything in life.” You can’t stress on it but you can’t overlook the way things are in the world.

Sometimes we get very deep in our conversations and after a bit she said something like, “So then you should try to form ‘good’ habits right to correct all the ‘bad’ things.”

I thought for a moment and replied, “Yes, there’s a lot of old habit energies that are passed down historically. It is nice to be aware of them but working every day to try to form ‘good’ habits is not as beneficial as just being yourself and aware of what you are if you ask me.”

We talked about this for awhile and then we went on walking slowly up the hill, the flowers were out and the weather was nice. Each step was a great blessing to be in the presence of my mother.

Love

At times love needs no subject or object it just is. If you make love or happiness a goal it can slip through your fingers like water held tightly.

Sometimes we label things as good or bad. We are so concerned with the outcome and spend each moment try to identify, ‘How we are.’ As if somehow this was very important yet, when asked by others, ‘How are you?’ some people will never say more than, “I’m okay.” I’ve thought about answering, “I am love,” but I wouldn't want to scare anyone, LOL.

If we divide the world into two forces and say ‘that’ was created out of love and ‘that’ was created out of evil we open ourselves up to being very judgmental about things. After becoming judgmental we may look around to find something to blame. If we are feeling sorry we may even blame ourselves with thoughts like, “It’s my lifestyle that is the root cause of all the suffering.” Such things give us way too much credit and are dangerous and depressing; I have spent many years caught in this at times.

At the end of the line all there is, is love. Everything else is just smoke and mirrors if you ask me. A great distraction for what we really are.

Hate

Is it wrong to hate? It is just a strong preference imho. Another form of love and creative force in action if you think about it in a way.

I think sometimes people worry about “Who is winning, good or evil?” I think the question is somewhat irrelevant. Something generally benefits for every action.

Sure there is lots of things to hate out there and many things we would rather not have happen, but living your life with hate can create a lot of anger or fear. Anger is not the best way to solve many problems because it leads to reacting to things without thinking. The adrenaline clouds you ability to act from the rational mind and the lower (closer to the brain stem) quicker reacting primitive parts of the brain take over. These parts can move the body very fast and aggressively.

There is a place for hate sometimes. If somebody breaks into your house and starts shooting your family with a Desert Eagle, getting angry and fearful might be the best way to react appropriately in the situation.

Hate does not feel good in the body, there is always a choice to dwell in it or not to, if you can be aware of it.

Responding or Reacting

After years of meditation I have to admit I have a preference to just ‘being.’

If there is a need to do things though, I like that too. You’ve got to do something everyday or you risk becoming one with the couch. ;)

Sometimes becoming one with the couch is not such a bad thing if it does happen. My father did all he could but at the last point in his life often just being present is all that there is left to be. He remarked on how glorious the sunset was on one of our last conversations.

If you can be in a place of love and peace responding to all things that happen becomes much easier. It is very tough to do at times but with a little practice you can become aware of many things.

It makes life much easier. If there is time I like to come back to an awareness of my breath and feel the gentle movement of subtle energies through my body. In a bit of time focused like this, it is easier for me to say things or do things that I feel better about.

I think we all have our preferences and there is nothing wrong with that, but they do not have to rule over us.

Epilogue

As Mom and I walked along a couple of beautiful butterflies played together flying is a rather intimate way. They danced around together in the sky and then one let go and flew off somewhere. The other landed in the grass spent out or something. I was able to get really close and take some pictures.

Mom wasn’t particularly interested in the butterflies and I pointed out all the many dragonflies that were out flying around. It had just rained and there were a great many. She remarked how much she liked them but could not see any of them when I pointed right to them. Her vision is very poor at this point.

Earlier, I closed the door gently to show Mom a very interesting looking moth that was almost blended into the bricks on the porch. As I prepared to take a picture of it Mom opened up and slammed the door scarring it away. Since the door was already closed I did not think she would do that. I told her that I wanted to show her this really interesting looking moth and she said, “Oh, I don’t like moths.”

I think at a time in my life I might have been disappointed or perhaps even a bit angry, but surprisingly it seemed just fine for her not to like moths. I was briefly disappointed that I didn’t get a picture though.

We so often live out our lives with such different preferences even between the ones we love. Toleration can be helpful to get along but I feel there is something more. Something hard to explain.

For the first time I’ve seen milkweed growing in a cultivated garden, I think some people’s preferences are changing. (Or perhaps they haven’t seen the weeds yet and pulled them out, lol)

Milkweed is so important for the butterflies but why do some have a preference for butterflies and not moths? All of life is very interesting to me.

At some point to really think ‘beyond the box’ I believe we need to look closely at where our preferences come from and what labels we place on things to define our beliefs and actions.

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Thanks for reading! As always, I’m very thankful for your support! Pictures were taken by me with my Galaxy S7.