Joke 1

Remember that failure is an event, not a person. - Zig Ziglar

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/196

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Joke 2

The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things. - Henry Ward Beecher

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Joke 3

Jill: Do you define an "ex" as "someone you married"?

Mary: Heavens no! An "ex" is "anyone who spent the night more than once and whose name I can remember."

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Joke 4

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

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Joke 5

A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says CRUISES - $100. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him over the head with a baseball bat and throws him in the river.

Another man is walking down the street a half hour later, sees the sign and pays the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him with the baseball bat and throws him in the river.

Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together and the first man asks, "Do you think they'll serve any food on this cruise?"

The second man says, "I don't think so. They didn't do it last year."

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Joke 6

On the first day of school, the principal made his rounds, and heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one young man, much taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused.

Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. When he was finished, he said, "Now, are there any questions?"

One girl stood up timidly and said, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?"

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Joke 7

Little Johnny runs into the living room one day and says, "Mom, why has Granny got a shrimp between her legs?"

"Don't be silly; Granny hasn't got a shrimp between her legs!" his mother replies.

But Little Johnny is insistent "She has, she has!" he shouts.

With this his mother grabs Little Johnny by the hand and says, "Ok, I have had enough of your foolishness. Show me!"

Little Johnny drags his mother into grandma's room where, being a very hot evening, Granny is fast asleep on top of her bed with no clothes on. Little Johnny drags his mother to the end of the bed and points between Granny's legs. "Look I told you so" he says. "See the little shrimp!"

His mother calmly decides she had better explain. "OK, Johnny, I know it looks a bit like a little shrimp but it's called a clitoris."

"That's funny" retorts Little Johnny "It tastes like shrimp..."

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Joke 8

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

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Maya Angelou

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/197

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Originally post at: https://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2018/01/daily-jokes-from-sydesjokes-for-8-jan.html

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