What we do every day
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/306
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. – Epictetus
Bill asks a woman out on a date after meeting her in a bar.
She says, "What kind of car do you drive?"
Bill replies " A VW Bug."
She scornfully says, "That's awfully small!"
Bill replies, "Don't worry, I'm not going to screw you with the car."
Q: Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?
A: To see time fly.
"Your honor, " explained the young man, "I'd like to get married, please."
"All right, what is your age?"
"I'm 22, sir."
"And the age of the bride?"
"She's 15, sir."
"15??? That's too young -- marrying you would be against the law!"
"I see, " said the young man. "Could you try explaining that to the fella next to her with the shotgun?"
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 en-emas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear a blood-curdling scream from down the hall, "Oh my gosh!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"
An avid skier decided that he would ski all the major mountains in the world. He spent a decade at this, climbing and then skiing the world's major peaks. Finally he decided he must ski Mt. Fuji, in Japan. He bade farewell to his wife and set off for the Land of the Rising Sun.
The fateful day came, the weather was right, and the skier climbed to the top of Fuji and skied down. So thrilled was he with his achievement that he decided to send his wife a postcard of Mt. Fuji, describing his feat. While in the shop buying the postcard, he decided, on a whim, to buy a postcard picturing a young, scantily clad geisha to send to his buddy who couldn't make the trip.
Unfortunately, he wrote the wrong messages on the cards, and sent them to the wrong recipients. On the back of the card showing Mt. Fuji, which he mistakenly sent to his buddy, he wrote: "Having fun in Japan!" And on the back of the card showing the scantily clad geisha, which he mistakenly sent to his wife, he wrote, "Here's a picture of the slope I went down on Thursday!"
Q: What do you call a fairy that hasn't bathed in a year?
The secret of change
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/309
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