Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 5th January 2018

in #jokes3 years ago

Joke 1

Yoo are perverted, sick and twisted

SydesJokes Daily Digest

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/202


Joke 2

Punctual people have nothing better to do.


Joke 3

England's West Country is known for its charming cottage-like shops. While visiting the area, my friend peered in through one window to see shelf upon shelf of interesting-looking books. So she went inside.

A woman appeared though a beaded curtain and asked, "Can I help you?"

"No, just browsing," said my friend.

"Fine," came the reply. "But so you know, around here most people knock before entering someone's home."


Joke 4

Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits?
A: In sundae school.


Joke 5

A worker was called on the carpet by his supervisor for talking back to his foreman. "Is it true that you called him a liar?

"Yes, I did."

"Did you call him stupid?"

"Yes."

"And did you call him an opinionated, egomaniac asshole?"

"No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"


Joke 6

Little Johnny keeps asking his Dad for a television in his bedroom, to which his Dad keeps saying "No".

After all the nagging, he agrees and says, "OK".

Several nights later Johnny comes downstairs and asks "Dad, what's Love, Juice?"

Dad is horrified, and after looking at Mum who's also gob smacked, proceeds to give his son the whole works.

Johnny now sits on sofa with his mouth open in amazement.

Dad asks, "So, what is it you've been watching then, Son?"

Johnny replies, "Wimbledon."


Joke 7

Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one night getting good and lit when one turned to the other and said, "You know what gets me, though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for the first few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty hard up. With all the whacking off going on, it's a wonder any work is getting done, and it's making a mess all over the ship. I don't know what to do!"

The other captain smiles knowingly at his companion. "Oldest trick in the book. You take the crew and divide them into two teams, then you buy about 50 barrels and put them on the ship. You tell the crew that the team that fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold."

"Well that's a great way to keep the ship clean, but then I'm out a bag of gold every trip!"

"Not so," replied the other captain. "After you get back to port, take all the barrels together and sell them to the wax factory to make into candles. You make a tidy profit every time."

The captain pondered this and the next day, he took his friend's advice and divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and set off to sea. Before long, the crew took to the new system and began filling barrel after barrel. When they finally reached port, the captain sold the barrels for a huge profit. 'This is great,' thought the captain, 'before long, I'll be able to buy a new boat!'

This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship happened back to that very first port. Coming down the gangplank, the captain was surprised to see the cops waiting for him. As they slapped the cuffs on him, the captain cried out "What's the meaning of this?!"

"You sick bastard," replied the cop. "Remember all those barrels you sold to the candle factory last time you passed through town?"

"Sure," said the captain. "What about 'em?!"

"Well, they made them into candles, sold them to the convent, and now all the nuns are pregnant!"


Joke 8

Q: What is a baby’s motto?
A: If at first you don’t succeed, cry and cry again!


Enjoy the little things in life

SydesJokes Daily Digest

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/203


Originally post at: https://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2018/01/daily-jokes-from-sydesjokes-for-5-jan.html


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lol on joke 2. I remember someone saying that to me and I responded "early bird gets the worms" ;)

"Q: What is a baby’s motto?
A: If at first you don’t succeed, cry and cry again!"
ha ha ha nice one!

I use that same technique when I want something from my husband 😂😂😂

hahaha Very Funny

Seriously, very funny.

I remember those days fondly :)

Haha !!

Good one and I know it's me :)

Haha ..at least your honest about it :)

I try to go through each post and answer questions but it gets harder as more people comment. I love all the comments so don't stop. But if you have a a specific question use the Transfer/Memo and send 0.001 SBD. When I reply I will send 0.002 SBD to you so I pay when you message me :)

You are such a good example, Colin. These posts are really awesome now with all the interaction.

Joke 7 is too long for my small brain. Just kidding. Haha!

Punctual people have nothing better to do other than waiting for other to come. :D

Words to live by in Thailand. Here you are never late. When you get there - it''s good.

If I may quote myself (from back when I was 18 or 19)...

"Teenagers aren't lazy; they're infeasibly pragmatic!"

I agree with you.

And your mother sighed.

The banana split and sundae school joke was my favorite this time :). Classic!

But I am a punctual person:(

best joke i have heard in a while about the nuns. haha

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Great work! I laughed so hard. lol. Upvoted & Resteemed.

Joke 8 funny, and so so true

Your jokes really made me laughed, lol. Stress reliever. Nice one! upvoted &reteemed.

Lawyers can steal more money than a gang of thieves with shotguns and guns.

excellent your quotation. i like this post. thanks to sharing

Joke 8 funny :)

I see you have joined them.

@sydesjokes joke number 7 is Quiet interesting.

@sydesjokes joke number 5 is cool, nice post

Very nice

Very Nice and Funny Post and Your Daily Faucet Was Awesome.

nice quoted that enjoy the little in life one day you realize they were the big big things. keep sharing

Joke 4 was so simple but had me laughing! Good stuff bro, keep'em coming!

The joke 8 is about my wife, I think XDD

Are you sure about joke 2?

Great post!

funny jokes. Very crazy.

thank you very good share

joke 8 really funny.

We need to enjoy the little things of life as the picture indicates will happen if we don't.

hahahhah :lol

Like the one about the candles best.

Haha. Your daily jokes post are something to look forward to.

How do you make a baby "meow"? You stick it in the ham cutting machine and it does MEOOW MEEOOW MEEOOW

Oh man joke number 3 made me chuckle bit joke 7 killed me! Hooray for dirty mind's like mine hahaha

It has to be the candles...lol

It is better to enjoy life than live in fear of everything

Nice jokes

Nice jokes, sydes.

Punctual people have nothing better to do.
this is really a joke!

nice one jokes

I like the joke 8 funny :D

Today I take the last one

Thank you for the SBD

Today your jokes post great upvote done. ......@steemitgirl11

joke 5 is good

No 2 is awesome!

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