Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 29 Dec 2017
Come to the Dark Side
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/210
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Ramona said, "My, but you look different today," to Marianne, a coworker at the hospital. "Your hair is extra curly, and you have this wide-eyed look. What did you use - special curlers and some dramatic eye makeup?"
"No!" replied Marianne. "My vibrator shorted out this morning."
Q: What does the toast wear to bed?
An interviewer says, "Tell me your choice. I can either ask you ten easy questions or one very difficult question. Think hard before you make up your mind."
"Ummm, I'd like one very difficult question."
"You have made your own choice. Good luck to you. Tell me which comes first: day or night?"
"The day, sir."
"And how did you reach that conclusion?"
"Sorry, sir. I agreed to answer only one difficult question."
The teacher asks kindergarten students what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. The first pupil: "Tylenol?"
Teacher: " Very good! And what is it used for?"
Pupil: "It is used for headaches."
Second pupil: "Nytol, Teacher."
Teacher: " Excellent. And what it is used for?"
Pupil: " To help you sleep."
Now it is Johnny's turn and he says: "Viagra."
Teacher: " Johnny, what do you think is it used for?"
Johnny: "It can be used for diarrhea."
Teacher: "Who told you this?"
Johnny: "Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father ... 'Take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder!'"
Bob was showing off his bird dog to his friend Bill. They went down Towards a lake and Bob said to the dog, "How many ducks are there boy?"
The dog raced off to the lake, came back a couple of minutes later, and Barked twice. Seconds later, two ducks floated into view.
"That was unbelievable, can he do it again?" Bill asked.
"Sure," responded Bob, "How many ducks are there boy?"
The dog raced off again, came back, and barked four times. Four ducks Flew in and landed on the pond.
"I have to have that dog," Bill said, "I'll give you $5,000 and all of My hunting dogs."
They agreed to the deal, and Bill took the dog home to show off to his Wife. Bill and his wife took his new dog down to the lake and Bill Said, "How many ducks are there boy?"
The dog raced off, came back, humped his wife's leg, grabbed a stick, Shook it, and threw it over his shoulder. "Bob gypped the hell out of You," his wife said. "You are such a fool."
Bill protested, "But I saw it work, let me try again. How many ducks Are there boy?"
Again the dog raced off, came back, humped his wife's leg, grabbed a Stick, shook it, and threw it over his shoulder. "Well, shit" Bill Said, "This dog is useless." In a fit of rage he shot the dog.
Then, after shooting the dog, he went back and told the story to Bob.
After hearing that Bill had killed the dog, Bob cried "YOU IDIOT. That Dog was telling you that there were more ducks than you could fucking Shake a stick at ."
Q: How are doughnuts and golf alike?
A: They both have a hole in one!
Of course life is a Bitch
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/107