Conquer yourself rather than the world. - Descartes
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/195
The less you talk, the more you're listened to.
Two men are having a conversation. "I would like to see a woman dentist," said the first man.
Why? asked his friend?
Because it would be a pleasure to have a woman say, 'open your mouth' instead of 'shut up.'
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
A Wiccan, a Christian, and an atheist are walking casually down a street, talking amongst themselves in a friendly manner when they spot a tornado headed straight for them.
The Wiccan outstretches her arms to the sky and says frantically, "O Lord and Lady!"
The Christian falls hard to his knees, "O Jesus help me, Jesus be with me!"
The atheist turns and grabs ahold of the nearest tree, and says, "Oh nooooooo!"
Ruth takes one look inside her 10 year old son Daniel’s bedroom and immediately goes downstairs to confront him. "Daniel," she says to him, "I thought you told me that you had thoroughly cleaned your room. I’ve just taken a look at it and it’s still a big mess. What have you got to say about it?"
I really don’t know why you’re making such a fuss, mum, Daniel replies. "After all, I never actually told you my room was clean."
Oh but you did, Daniel, says Ruth.
No, mum, you’re wrong there, says Daniel. "What I actually told you at 5.10pm this afternoon was, ‘OK mum, I’m done with the cleaning of my room’."
Ruth can’t help but smile. "OK smarty pants," she says, "I should have remembered that you want to be a lawyer when you grow up. You’re obviously going to make a brilliant lawyer."
An old man was tired from riding his bike, and decided to hitch hike. A guy in his red Corvette pulled up to give him a lift. When the old man brought out his bike that he had leaned up against a tree, the driver said, "I have no room for your bike in my car, but I'd like to help you in some way seeing you standing here in the hot sun." After a few seconds of thought, the driver said, "I know what we can do. I have a rope behind my seat. I'll tie one end of it to the rear end of my car and the other end to the front your bike. You ride your bike, and I'll give you this whistle. If I go too fast for you, just blow your whistle and I'll slow down."
The old guy agreed to it. So off he went down the highway with the old man and his bike in tow. A little ways down the road, a young lady in a bright yellow corvette pulls up next to them. She gives the guy in the red Vette the High Sign, meaning "you want a drag?" Off they go down the highway, 100 plus MPH, the old man blowing his whistle like crazy. They zipped by a Highway Patrol cop sitting under a tree. The cop knew he couldn't catch them, so he called ahead to his fellow cop down the road to intercept.
Car number 2, this is car number 1.
Go head number 1, what'cha got for me?
I got red and yellow Vettes come down your way doing hundred plus; can you intercept?
Ten-four, Is there anything else?
Yeah, you wouldn't believe this, but there is an old guy riding a bicycle blowing his whistle trying to pass.
Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Remember that failure is an event, not a person. - Zig Ziglar
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/196