Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 2 Jan 2018
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/104
Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.
The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.
"Well," the man began, "I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said 'Yes.' Then I asked her 'Why?' She replied, 'Because I love you.'"
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea-captain. "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir."
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?"
"Throw out another anchor."
"Hold on," said the Captain, "where are you getting all your anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."
Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice:
"Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare."
Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:
"Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... Horseshit... Oh, shit! Fuck it, I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!"
It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife.
"That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your boobs," he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"
At first she declined but finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down.
"Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her.
This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage.
The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in.
"Now," said the husband with an evil smile, "tell HIM, you have a headache!"
Q: When were vowels invented?
A: When u and i were born.
Teaching the basics of Finnish grammar
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/212