Joke 1

Be Happy

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/84

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Joke 2

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. – Leo Tolstoy

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Joke 3

Three older ladies were discussing the trials of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, I'm sure glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood." She raps her knuckles on the table, then she, says, "That must be the door, I'll get it."

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Joke 4

Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!

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Joke 5

Bubba and Johnny Ray, two good ole boys from North Carolina, were sitting' on the front porch drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by.

I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery, said Bubba.

Do what? asked Johnny Ray.

Send my grass out to be mowed, answered Bubba.

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Joke 6

Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in, sits down and asks him what the problem is.

Well, said Eric, "I ran afoul on one of those awkward questions women ask. Now, I'm in deep trouble at home."

What kind of question? asked Tom.

My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly.

That's easy, said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will.'"

Yeah, said Eric. "That's what I did, except I said 'Of course I do.'"

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Joke 7

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon.

He figured that if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.

To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot.

There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally laid.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

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Joke 8

Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

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Life's Tragedy

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/68

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Originally post at: https://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2017/10/daily-jokes-from-sydesjokes-for-19-oct.html

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