Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 12th January 2018
Lost the ability to give a damn [joke]
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/310
All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them - Walt Disney
Jack's mother ran into the bedroom when she heard him scream and found his two-year old sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little girl's grip and said comfortingly to Jack, "There, there. She didn't mean it. She doesn't know that hurts."
She was barely out of the room when the little girl screamed. Rushing back in, she asked, "What happened?"
She knows now, Jack replied.
Q: How can you tell a macho women?
A: She rolls her own tampons.
Mary decides to consult a diet doctor. "What's the most you've ever weighed?" he asks her.
One hundred fifty-nine pounds.
And the least?
Six pounds four ounces.
Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice:
Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.
Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:
Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... Horseshit... Oh, shit! Fuck it, I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!
While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place; a years supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush? "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."
Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
A: They're both filled with stiffs - only one's coming and one's going.
Can't someone else just do it?
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/311
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