Make day funny (7178z)

If it weren't for Abraham Lincoln, America really would have gone South.

I have a life pro tip I never wear condoms

*Sneaks into men's toilets* I HEAR THERE'S CAKE IN HERE

I can't believe my neighbors came to my house at 5:00 AM... ...thank god I was already up playing the bagpipes.

How did the clock get cancer? Second-hand smoke!