Make day funny (6151b)

So, i wanted to know what my weight was. 'Holding your belly in is not gonna make you lighter' my wife said. But how am i supposed to see the numbers?

I Bet If The Moon Found Out What It Means To Moon Somebody It Would Feel Bummed.

Why are your kids like drugs? Because the law says you shouldn't do them, but it feels *sooooo* good - until you wake up the next day and just want to flat-out kill yourself.

There should be a subreddit specifically for internet humor that gets lost in translation when you explain it in real life... ...and it should be called r/SlashAreSlash.

Why is 12 the highest number rednecks can count to? How else would they know how many cans are in a 12 pack.