Make day funny (1061f)

My wife calls herself a trophy wife. I told her that's because I won the participation award.

What did the drummer get on his test? Drool

I get my guns from a guy named T-Rex... He's a small arms dealer

""I'm a green onion and I'm here to say, I can be enjoyed most every day."" -A rapscallion

*trying to awkwardly start a conversation with my barber* I ALSO like scissors.