Life and Death, One and the Same (SWC)

Even as a little kid, I was aware of death. The earliest memory I could think of was when I was 6 years old. My maternal great-grandmother passed away. There was an old VHS that recorded the funeral activities. Within it, my great grandmother was sitting upright on a chair. She was undergoing an embalming and cosmetic procedure. The video showed the traditional Chinese funeral rituals. We had a vigil for our great grandmother. We even had a Chinese funeral band creating a cacophony of deafening, screeching sounds.

I never understood what death meant as a child. All I knew was that the idea of death felt terrifying. All I heard were loud noises of music and people crying. There were performances carried out by actors who painted their face white. My great grandmother would sit in the chair while my grandparents and relatives would cry next to her. 

The following day, she would be in a coffin and my relatives would cry near it. The mourning process was several days long. I didn't understand any of the activities, but there's one thing that stood in my mind for years: the haunting, lifeless face of my great grandmother.  

Her face became synonymous with death for me. It was the face of countless nightmares. I feared death at a very young age. I feared it because I didn't understand it. I feared it because all I ever saw was misery and suffering over death. This observation continued to be true even after the passing of so many years.  

I have gone to many funerals. None of them are happy occasions. None of them celebrated and honored the life that the person lived. Funerals were all about wallowing in despair. At least, that is what I got out of Chinese funerals. I don't really have any ideas if other cultures operate funerals in a happy setting. I just don't think that it is a possibility.  

The death of my great grandmother wasn't something that really upset me. I was so young. I hardly knew her. But it was my first experience of what death is. Or at least what I thought it was.  

In the later parts of my life, I didn't really encounter much death. Or to put it simply, I was not consciously aware of it. If we pay attention to life, we know that death is happening all the time. I mean if we look at the news, there are always accidents, shootings, and tragedies everywhere we look. Even when you eat your meal, you know that death is there. The animals or the plants have to die in the process of creating your food.  

Death is simply there, but I am so detached from it because I abhorred it. I am scared of my own mortality, so I would rather avoid it. However, the more I avoid it and resist it, the larger the seed of suffering grows. 

Death of a Loved One  

Death around me has never been a big issue to me. When I heard news of it, I would simply ignore it. Perhaps I had unconsciously wiped it from my mind. Death was nothing more than a statistic to me. 

"Oh hundreds of people die in the Middle East today. Oh, there's another shooting going on somewhere." I can offer sympathy here and there, but I never gave any news more than a few moments of thought.  

I was this way for a long time until my grandmother passed away a few years ago. Her passing was very shocking and unexpected. It shattered my reality because I loved my grandmother. She had always been a big part of my life. She had always been a big part of me. I knew that death was happening all around me, but I never knew that it could hit so close to home so soon. 

You see, I learned a big lesson from her death. A great amount of pain from death comes from the living. None of it comes from the dead. I was an emotional wreck for a long time because all my relatives and family members were emotionally unstable. Their pain and suffering further influenced my inner state. We unconsciously encouraged our own misery. It didn't take much for me to cry whenever I see how much my mom or my grandfather was suffering.  

I began to dig deep within myself to answer many questions I had about death. Many of the questions were erratic. They were questions that I simply had no answers to. I asked, "What would I do if my parents, siblings, cousins, spouse, or child die?" I found no answers and imagining their death only caused greater suffering in me.  

It was weird. I was scared of death, but that fear was never as strong as the fear of losing those that are important to me. My grandmother's death made me aware that life is fleeting.  

During her funeral at the end, we circled around her and said our goodbyes. She was in a cardboard coffin on top of a cart. I remembered how my uncle poured ceremonial oil over her body as he cried and wailed. There were dozens of families and friends present.  When the funeral customs were over, the directors pushed the cart with my grandmother towards the crematory. Can you imagine what it was like watching your deceased loved ones in a coffin on a conveyor belt? The slow motion of my grandmother entering the furnace was not something that could be easily forgotten.  

But there was something that I uttered then. It is something that I remembered clearly. I said, "So this is life...?" 

At This Moment, You Are Alive 

Death is not a matter of choice. Whether you want to or not it will happen. I found it really funny sometimes that I found death scary. On occasion, I even silently cursed at my parents for bringing me to life. Because I am alive, now I have to face death. That is so unfortunate. At least that was what I initially thought.  

I remembered how I used to curse at the tragedies of life. Why must people die at all? But then I realized that's just how life works. Would I go around saying that I hate gravity and hate how it makes everything fall towards earth? I could, but that's just how the world works.

My likes and dislikes are my creation. They are not the basis for how reality operates. In my mind, I have separated life and death into two different components. This is not true. 

Because you are alive, you are also dying. Did you know that every passing moment of your life you are one step closer to your grave? You can say that you are alive right now and you are correct. You can also say that you are dying right now, and you would also be correct.  

There is only death to those who are alive. Without life there is no death. They are inseparable. So why try to elevate life to the divine and condemn death to the realms of hell? Aren't they different sides to the same coin? 

I tried so hard to avoid the topics of death, but in truth I was also avoiding life. I was scared of death so I built a wall of security and isolation. But the truth is that there is no such thing as true security in life because this very body of mine will perish. This mind will also perish as well. These are all physical things that I acquired over time.  

The body and mind that I have right now isn't something that I was born with. I accumulated this body from the food that I consumed. I accumulated this mind from the impressions and memories that I acquired over time.  

Because the nature of my physical being comes from the world around me, so it is just a natural course for the physical part of me to return to the very earth that is nourishing me now.  

Yes, I know that this is all true, but for the longest time I was unwilling to be a part of this natural process. I became so attached and identified with the life that I have, that the destruction of my mind and body creates intense fear and suffering in me.  

I finally understood my own fears when I read a line from Lucretius on Nature of Things. I don't remember the exact quote, but it went similar to the idea that when you were born you did not fear coming into existence. So where does this fear of death comes from?  

I couldn't answer the question right away, but it made me aware of something deep inside me. Fear of death is my own creation; it has nothing to do with living and dying. This is true because if you lived without any concept of death, you would have just lived. And if you lived an amazing life, you would not fear death at all. We know this is true because when people die, they mostly think about things they regret in life. If you live in absolute bliss and joy, the thoughts of death and suffering wouldn't even surface. You would naturally allow things to be the way that it is.  

Death happens to all of us and it is unavoidable. I can resist it all I want. I can cry and whine about it. I can prolong my life with medicines and technology. But no matter how long life is prolonged, death is inevitable because even our planet will perish one day.  

If it is unavoidable, and no matter what I do I will still perish, then what is the most intelligent thing a person can do? I can whine and complain about this unfortunate event. But that is unintelligent. The most intelligent thing you can do is to simply enjoy this brief existence. All other actions will naturally follow.   

Being reminded constantly of your mortality is scary for many people. But if you truly accept things the way that it is, it opens you up to the wonders of life. 

Did you know that accidents happen every day? Did you know that when billions of people go to bed at night, thousands if not tens of thousands of people don't wake up the following morning? Tomorrow is never guaranteed to you. 

If the moon suddenly went outside of its orbit and is pulled straight towards earth, then it doesn't matter how unwilling you are, you would die. Do you know how truly fragile your existence is? If you truly know about your mortal nature in this world, you would know that there is no time for suffering and misery. No time for bullshit and human drama.  

I know nothing about the immortal nature of the soul. I cannot claim expertise on the human spirit. None of these are within the realm of my experience. What I do know is this physical existence. It required no speculation and belief because it is a living reality. We are all experiencing this right now.  

This is why the single most important thing in your life is that you are alive. It doesn't matter how much money you have, the kind of house you own, or the cars you drive. All these material possessions matter because you are alive. All your thoughts, memories, and values matter because you are alive.  

Many people live as though they are immortal creatures. As though everything they have right now is guaranteed. Don't be duped by this belief. Your health is temporary. Your youth is temporary. Your very existence is temporary. Let death be the ultimate reminder to live your life. Enjoy it while it last.