The fear -My entry for @jerrybanfield's , Supernatural Writing Contest SWC
Fear is one of the most difficult things a person feels ,Have you ever lost sleep because you are afraid to lose someone you love? Have you ever slept with an open eye and the other closed ? Have you lost all your dreams just for someone? I did!
Today, I want a realistic partnership with you, even people close to me don't know this, but I want to talk with you. First, I want to thank @jerrybanfield's for this wonderful idea. We may need to talk to people we do not know.
I was almost 10 years old, when I started to understand life , My father and mother were always in conflict, I thought that this was in all families , But I grew older and discovered that there were problems in all families, but not as my family , I ignored this!
when I was 14 years old , Strange symptoms began to appear on my mom , Each period shows these symptoms and disappears ,I was a child and I don't understand what this is , and still mom and dad in conflict !
When i became 15 years old , My mother had more symptoms, suicide attempts, hair cuts, tearing her clothes , Then a state of schizophrenia due to psychological stress , I was away from school for two years, yes I do not want to lose my mother, I sat beside her for two years, I did not see my friends, I did not live my childhood, I was in constant fear What if I lost my mother?
When my brothers and sisters grew up, we all became around my mother. Did you feel scared when your mother entered the bathroom and did not come back? A thousand idea penetrates your head, what if I broke the door now, what if I could not find my mother whom I love alive?
Have you ever suffered when you see your mother sleep from a lot of sedatives? Sleep a day, wake up only half an hour to eat, I lost her youth from this disease and we try to control ourselves, we can not see it as well, but there is no one to help her, we support, often consider our daughter
Or from seeing 3 suicide attempts the same day, to blame yourself Are you a loser? Did your brothers or sisters make mistakes? Have you ever felt that you do not remember your childhood well, do not know what you did and you are a child? Have you played with kids or have you been afraid of losing someone you love?
Have you ever eased to see what your heart can not bear? In just a second everything turns into a fit that takes from my mother a lot of her health, her age, her dreams, and takes from our mind a lot, a man can not always be strong, she's a mother, how can we see her like this? You can not do anything, whether you watch it and the seizures come to prevent it from everything that hurts itself in it
Fear at every moment, hearing your heartbeat every second, feeling the need of the mother All these feelings were present inside me ,I can not ignore this woman, my mother, this woman my strength, who brought me to this life and how can i ignore it?
There is an example in my country that says, "Whoever died his mother, all his loved ones died."I believe that this proverb is true, no one loves you in this world like your mother and only your mother.
Before Two years ago, my father left and married another, and had a daughter , I dreamed from a young age that a day would come and be a family like the rest of the families, happy and loving each other ,But this is the first dream gone !
My mother started to improve a year ago, but my sister lost 3 years of her life next to my mother and she can not study. She did not complain but my mother improved a lot and the problem remains. Money , I can not register my sister at university because I do not have money to study.
i ask my father from her , but he say ther was A lot of debt, when I pay it can be studied,!
She told me it was not important to study as much as my mother was in good health. She did not regret it because she sacrificed in her dream to study for my mother. I can not, I can not see my sister in such a situation, my country where the economic situation is destroyed, there are many people do not have money, , Our economic situation has deteriorated with these people, so many times I can not bring treatment to my mother, my father left us and I feel that I am responsible for this family, so I started working on this site to be able to support my family.
Do you know yet, despite the improvement of my mother, we are still afraid, my brothers and I have no life but love and calls my mother, wished her recovery
Despite our loss of our dreams, our father leaving us, and our economic situation now, that there is nothing for the health of my mother, if my mother is in good health, we can be happy with all the conditions.
love your family, despite their mistakes, despite their inability to provide all that you want, even if you can not achieve your dreams through them, love them because if they could bring you life, everything comes out of them this fear you, feel your mother and your father you love them, You do not know if you will lose them now, or after a year or 20 years!
ps I did not write all that I suffered in my life or in my mother's illness. I did a lot of short, I talked in general about something in my heart, I can not talk to the nearest people in my life, thank you @jerrybanfield
Details of the contest can be found https://steemit.com/steem/@jerrybanfield/mr7z0qvr