My name is Darren Johnson, If you walked past me down a street you would not give me a second glance. Why should you after all? Why would I give you a second glance? Every person has history of some kind, mostly good but some not so good, some more horrific in nature but our faces never tell the story that some of us go through.

I have never seen a Ghost, but I believe in them. Well I believe in what I call echoes of something that once was. I have never seen a UFO, but I believe in them becaue I can't understand or justify that a small planet in such a big space can be the only thing in existence.

I once believed in God, and that he was a father figured who showed nothing but love for mankind, I attended church with my parents every Sunday. I went to Christian youth clubs with friends. Please don't get me wrong this post is not about disproving of God or any Deity for that matter. I want to tell you what brought me to my spiritual awakening, how I had to go through horror, in order to reach inner peace.

Death never comes easy to us.

My mother passed away when I was 8 years old from Alcohol Abuse, we were so close and at 8 years old you think your whole world was just crushed. It took me a very long time to come to terms with it, and during that time my father remarried we relocated to another town, new school new home, but not the perfect life.
I had never been close to my father, and he worked away a lot and his wife and I did not see eye to eye. I always felt second best, made to feel that I would never fit in with the family, my stepbrothers and sisters were a lot older than me, only my step brother lived at the house with us.
When we moved I had a lot of weight on me, at 11 years old I was wearing man sized trousers for school with the trouser legs cut off and sewn. Weekends would come and my father would come home but he would not want to spend time with me, oh no it was for his new family and I was whisked off to my cousins, or various family members who would have me for the weekend.
I hated it so much there that I never argued about it, and when I could not go I would go walking and just walk for hours.

There was no advantages to being a red headed kid.

School was a nightmare, I never got peace in the five years of high school two reasons that I am a red head, and my voice is higher pitched than your average male. I would get teased constantly called things like "Squeaky Darren" I would be pushed and trodden on, slapped and punched, I could not defend myself because no one showed me how.
I just had a stepmother who was menopausal I mean literally she would scream her head off at me at every opportunity. It's worse also when you go through puberty and no one is explaining to you what is going on, you feel like its only you going through it, you don't want to talk about it, I used to wear clothes covering me all the time including summer so as not to show off my body. I felt like a *freak although today this is not a term I would use no one is a freak no matter what I despise the word.

Then at 15 my ordeals just hit rock bottom.

Summer 1995 I had just finished my exams at school, I didn't care if I had passed or failed. No one believed in me anyway so what did it matter, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was told I would never make it to university, so I just gave up.
So in the summer I was going to see my brother who had left home after my Mum died. He was working at a fairground on the coast and I would go and hang out with the older crew. I was smoking by then and keeping it hidden, mainly I was doing it to try and be like my peers the bullying had become so bad, that I had to make changes.
I looked up to my Brother, he was my idol he had dark hair good looks the opposite of me infact. He was popular had friends and seemed to enjoy his life so much, that it made me jealous as it was the life that I had wanted. Looking back at it now I was extremely immature for my age but what fifteen year old kid do you know that doesn't think their an adult.

As the weeks went on my Stepmother was becoming angry at me for going to the fairground saying that the people who worked there were on drugs, the more she tried to discipline me the more I begun to resent it, so at this time I started trying cannabis, not much just a little to fit in and rebel against being told off.

Then I met my brothers Girlfriend at the time her name was Claire, she was working in the amusement Arcade and there was another Claire also who I got to know. So this is confusing, well my friend Claire we will call her Redhead Claire. And my brothers Girlfriend we will call her Brown haired Claire.
It was a few weeks later and my Brother and Brown Haired Claire weren't speaking at the time. Brown Haired Claire suggested to me and Red Head Claire to go to her place one Friday night for some Drinks. I was sixteen they were both older than me I felt so grown up being invited to go so I said yes and arranged to meet up with them.

My life was never the same.

The Friday night came and Red Headed Claire and I made our way to Brown Haired Claire's place. We had a good night we laughed drank it was pretty good. I remember her place was in Benwell a run down part of Newcastle upon Tyne, it was a very old block of flats, the front door had no lock on it and the flat needed some decorating.

Brown haired Claire had two kids, who were already in bed. At the end of the night I crashed on the bed with the two claires and they fell asleep but I was wide awake, for some reason I could not get to sleep.
I remember when it got to around 5 in the morning and I looked at the window and seen two shadows passed the curtains and the front door opened. In walked two men and Brown Haired Claire got up.
I got up not long after and went into the living room and sat there, one of the men was much older than me I would say in his 30's he other in his 20's. Not the nicest of people you want to meet.
I remember they started to make fun of me and both the Claire's were telling them to stop it and they apologised to me. I forgot all about it when I remembered that the night before as a joke one of the Claire's threw my T Shirt out of the window. So I went down to get it, and one of the guys Mark he was called followed me. He kept talking to me saying he wanted to have a chat with me, I was confused thinking what is the big deal??

A few hours later passed and it was time to go when Claire said that the babysitter was running late, and would I wait a few minutes and then I could catch up with them to get the bus. The two men were still there and I didn't give it any thought and just said sure thing no problem.

My blood still runs cold now thinking about it.

I am sorry if when reading this you might find it upsetting, its hard to believe that I can sit here now and tell you my story.
After they left one of the men called me over into a room and shut the door, I asked him what he was doing and he took off my glasses. I asked why and he replied "because I don't like hitting people with glasses on." and then the other man came into the room.
I was hit repeatedly off them, kicked and punched.
Then dragged into the living room, I was made to sit down one of them picked up a belt off the floor and put it round my neck. He said we are going to hang out out of the window. I could see that luckily enough the belt was ready to snap so I leaned back against the belt and it did.
For the next 8 hours I was locked in this place being tortured, there were two kids in the flat with me terrified and a 12 year old babysitter who couldn't do anything but watch. I don't know why I didn't run and try to get help, I think its because they took my bus pass which had my info and they said if I were to run they would come to the house and kill me and my family.

(Clifford Redhead the monster Credit Sunderland Echo newspaper.)

Everything they could lay their hands on they used as a weapon on me, they picked up a wooden sweeping brush and hit me over the head countless times with it, they took an electric heater and smashed it off my face, they tried to stab me with a blunt knife. I
I was terrified, every time I cried they screamed at me to stop and said they would hit me harder, my nose was bleeding constantly I could feel my face swelling up.
Then they started making me try to clean the blood up around the place, there was so much blood on the walls, the woodwork everywhere.
The most humiliating thing was they made me take a bath to wash off the blood the water was icy cold and when I got in I tried to wash as quick as I could, then one of the men came in and cut me down my back with glass and on my arm. I remember every chance I got being alone in a room I secretly cried out to God looking up at the ceiling for help, but I felt help was never coming.
I remember though at the time all I could think of was that little boy and girl in the flat who were seeing me bruised and battered you could see the fear in their eyes. And I just could not also bring myself to leave and leave these innocent little children at the mercy of these monsters.
After 8 hours things had quietened down one of the men had fallen asleep while the other said he needed to go out he was going with the kids and I had to go with him. I was so scared I would not dare argue and we went out an walked along the street where we went to some guys house who was not in.
The neighbour came out some scottish guy, I had lost so much blood I was sitting on the step, I felt so weak and dizzy like I was about to pass out and he went and phoned for an ambulance for me.

The guy who had beaten me Cliff whispered that the police would be coming and if I said anything to remember what he said.
I felt his teeth lightly clamp around my ear lobe.

Police are not stupid people.

At the hospital the police were trying everything to get me to tell them what happened, I told them some lie that I was attacked by a gang and passed out but they were not buying the story.
Cliff was there at the door the whole time with the two children and I just kept thinking about what would happen to them if I said anything. Then one of the police men shut the door and came over to me, he said that the chief of the local constabulary was actually going to come and see me and if I didn't tell the truth I could be prosecuted for wasting police time.
I had never been in touch with the police and just hated the whole prospect of what was going to happen. I gave the officer my Dads contact info and then all I said was to get Cliff away from me and I would tell the story.

No sooner said than done he was arrested on the spot and taken away, and then I cried I could not stop and when I thought I was going to stop there were more tears.
I had to give a statement, which was horrific because its fresh in your memory like you are reliving the whole ordeal. i had to go back to the flat to identify that it was the place where it happened, but there was no sign of Mark but he was caught later.

A few months went by and the court case came, I had left home because things were so bad between my parents and I. They had lost trust in me but at the same time I didn't feel supported or safe for that matter. Both men were found guilty and sentenced to prison for a total of 12 years between them.
But I could not gain closure, I was a mess high anxiety levels and panic attacks. The doctors didn't seem to understand the amount of fear I had and prescribed me prozac.
Then I got to my ultimate worst and tried to kill myself twice, with overdoses.

You suffer with PTSD she said.

The second time in hospital a lady came to see me, it was kind of funny because she had my file. She told me what time I was born and the weight I was which gave me comfort feeling close to my mum.
She had a chat with me and about my ordeal and said that I suffered with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and she also suffered with it. She recommended for me to see a Phycologist who could help me to talk about it and face my fears. So I figured being as I could not go any lower that I was prepared to try anything.
Dr Sharon Day her name was, she was young and I could relate to her because she specialised in teenagers and I was around 17 at the time.
Our sessions were going well and she really helped me to put perspective to tell me that everything not just the beating but my life was not my fault, and i had to stop blaming myself.
Then she gave me something that helped me reach my spiritual awakening.
She said that if I was ever to be happy then i had to be happy with myself. She gave me a book called Out on a limb written by Shirley Maclaine. She said most of it now I would not understand but the main thing she told me was to meditate.

She said that meditate helped to quiet the mind, and see more clearly. I knew about meditation because I had studied Buddhism at school but I had never practiced it.
I went away and read the book and she was right a lot of it did not make sense at the beginning, so I started to research about meditation.
I then began to practice meditation just sitting for 20 minutes a day and quieting my mind and focusing on my breathing, very quickly I started to feel my anxiety go from a sharp 10 to a 3.
I was always conscious of my scars on my body but I felt more at ease when I walked around being looked at because of the scar on my face, that if I just focused on my breathing I could remain calm.

So I continued meditating for about a year and at 18 one day I while I was meditating, I heard my own voice talk to me saying its time to be who you want to be.

I had kept a long secret and I could not hide it any longer.

It was as if once I admitted it to myself then everything would be ok. I wondered if this is what caused the problems in the first place. I walked up to the mirror and looked back at myself and stood for a moment, then I said the words * I am gay.*
I had never said it out loud before I always knew but I never wanted to admit it to myself or other people.
I tell you now readers when I said those three words my fear was then conquered I was invincible. I felt that who ever I told it would and could not affect me. And it was right, my parents had a hard time dealing with it, I didn't care. My brother did I didn't care If felt truly at peace with myself.

My life truly then did change for the better, a year later I met my partner Alan who we have been together now for 20 years.
I continued the meditation, and it helped me with focus and direction, I discovered about Law of Attraction, god force and channeling the book made so much sense to me now, I listen to the teachings of Abraham Hicks and Kevin Ryerson. I knew if I could aim for what I wanted I could get it so I did.
I bought a house had a good job, made my life as full as it can be. And still to this day it still is. I still meditate and it is with that meditation that I have the strength and courage to tell my story to day.

I am a survivor

Today in 2018 Alan and I live in Bulgaria with our three dogs and we are very happy, every morning I wake up and say what I am grateful for. I remind myself how thankful I am now to be alive, so that I can share this with other people who are lost. To say that you are special, don't live by your label overcome it. You are not PTSD, you are not Depression you are not Bipolar, you are a person.
You are beautiful a free spirit.
So the next time you sit in silence close your eyes and listen to your breath, listen to the sound of your own inner voice talking to you telling you what a magnificent person you are.

I wanted to share this story and enter it in the SWC contest because while it is not a Ghost or UFO sighting. I believe that this in its self is a super natural experience, that the power of meditation can help provide inner strength and guidance. To go through such an ordeal and to come out stronger and wiser is supernatural in itself we are only human but we have amazing capability.
This is the compass of your soul use it and trust it, let it guide you in the right direction and you will be right every time.

Should you choose to comment on this post please don't show pity. I am doing just fine but I hope this is inspirational in some way or form that it can help you or others that you know.

I believe in you, you are beautiful.

Thank you for reading my story.