Jealous!

If a couple of days ago you asked me if I've even been jealous I would have answered that I can not really come up with any example. Immediately followed by several examples of why I am quite a content person and see no need in being jealous of anyone.

Well, if you recognize this kind of situations where you are convinced emotions like jealousy, envy, anger, frustration are not something you experience... you are in big trouble! Big, big trouble.

I've gone through denial of several emotions and had to find out that I was wrong. I have been suppressing these emotions big time throughout my whole life until I worked, step by step, through my exercises of my DIP Pro course. At first I started to have problems in answering questions about these emotions as I lacked any reference in my day to day life and in my memories.

I learned I was a master in suppression and I skillfully managed to suppress tons of memories related to emotions and feelings. Slowly, actually very slowly, with a lot of excuses and procrastination, I finally had some great realizations. I discovered I had experienced a lot of these emotions. I had been angry and frustrated but just did not want to admit I was, just because that meant I had to take responsibility for these reactions and emotions.

But now about jealousy. I learned to recognize quite a few emotions and also learned how to deal with them without having to go into suppression. Jealousy was a different thing. Weeks and weeks I started to monitor my experiences during the day hoping to find that tiny little piece of jealousy. No chance! I was still convinced I was that one person on the planed left untouched by jealousy. Such a unnecessary and spiteful emotion. Until...

I was going through some old memories about my youth and while describing a memory of seeing my brother playing keyboards I suddenly remembered that I was kind of disgusted by the fact he was having a great time playing his stupid fantasy music on this stupid organ. Bang! I discovered the definition of jealousy! Okay, so that is jealousy... having all kind of negative or even positive opinions on what someone else owns or is able to do.

What I discovered was that I was suppressing my emotions and memories about my emotions. By opening myself to accept that having emotions is OK I now started to be able to recognize emotions on events that took place ages ago. And this allowed me to discover and define jealousy for myself. from now on I will be able to see when I am jealous and with the skills and tools of the DIP Pro course I can effectively stop this emotion by understanding the triggers and debunking all layered reactions.

As of now, I am looking forward to experience jealousy to practice what I have learned and see how I can manage it effectively.