THERE'S ALWAYS A ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT👌

source:

IT’S A NORMAL SCHOOL SETTING.

IGNORANT: [feeling disturbed] Hello Brilliant.

BRILLIANT: Hello Ignorant. Good morning. You look anxious. Out with it friend! What’s the matter with you?

IGNORANT: Have you seen Mr. Courage today, Brilliant?

BRILLIANT: Yes, I have. He asked of you.

IGNORANT; Waoh! [fidgeting]. What about Curious?

Brilliant: …and you, where have you been since morning?

IGNORANT: Brilliant, that’s a long story. Later, please, has Curious got to school?

BRILLIANT: Yes, she has just left now. She said she was going to see Mr. Courage. Anything amiss, Ignorant?

IGNORANT: Yes, two of us collected a book from Mr. Courage and we promised to return it immediately after the long break today.

BRILLIANT: Perhaps, she’s gone to return the book.

IGNORANT: May God let her! Mr. Courage had already threatened not to give us any book should we return that late. And to forestall that, I really want to ensure that she has given him him book. BRILLIANT: Him book?

IGNORANT: Yes, him book.

BRILLIANT: Did you mean his book Ignorant?

IGNORANT: What’s your business after all? I meant him book and I said him book,period! [brief interlude].

SMART: Anything wrong with you or Ignorant?

BRILLIANT: Well Smart, nothing serious! We’ve just had a slight disagreement on whether it is correct to say: she has given him him book or not.

SMART: Is that the reason two of you won’t be friends anymore? You’d better leave me alone. I have a more serious matter to brood over. Good. Curious is coming . Let her handle your quarrel [Smart leaves. Brief interlude follows].

CURIOUS: Brilliant, Ignorant is moody. What’s the matter with her?

BRILLIANT: Curious, please, is it correct to say she has given him him book?

CURIOUS: I should think so!

BRILLIANT: Ha! Curious you too?

CURIOUS: Is that the bone of contention? Listen Brilliant, if she has given her her book can be correct, then she has given him him book is equally correct.

BRILLIANT: Curious…and you too!

IGNORANT: Thank you so much, Curious! This is more reason I will not agree with him.

CURIOUS: Mr. Courage said it is correct to say "give her her book" , I can remember, in the light of this, give them them book is another good example which you can’t contest and win I, Curious said it!
BRILLIANT: The relish with which two of you crippled English Language is appalling and am afraid!
IGNORANT: Alright! Brilliant, Curious, enough of this hassle. Let’s go to Mr. Courage our teacher of English Language. He knows better.

BRILLIANT: Okay, let’s go [sounds of hurrying feet perceived. A brief interlude fallows]

CURIOUS:[knocks]

MR. COURAGE: Yes, come in.

STUDENTS: Good afternoon, sir.

MR. COURAGE: Good afternoon, all of you. How are you and what can I do for you?

CURIOUS: Excuse me sir, is it correct to say give them them book?

MR. COURAGE: No, it’s not correct, instead, say: Give them their book.

IGNORANT: What about she has given him him book, sir?

MR COURAGE: My dear, this is not correct either. Instead, say: she has given him his book.

BRILLIANT: That’s what I told her, sir, but she quarreled with me. And as for Curious, she would not learn unless she’s got to you sir.

CURIOUS: Excuse me sir, I am weary of your inconsistency these days. Just yesterday, you said it is correct to say give her her book. Except you now claim otherwise sir; give him him book is also correct.

MR. COURAGE: [laughs tearfully] So I see! This is a situation exceptional. You can go now. I’m sure you have English Language lesson today?

STUDENTS: Yes, we do sir.

MR. COURAGE. Good, please, remind me of this situation exceptional and I’ll be glad to explain this aspect to you all in your classroom. Is it alright by you all?

STUDENTS: Yes sir, thank you sir.

(Students Exits)

BRILLIANT: [laughs derisively] I’m glad we eventually knew who’s right.

COURAGE: Yes, Brilliant, you were right, but we’ve learned in the process.

IGNORANT: …and more so, the teacher would not have thought of teaching us the topic again if we had allowed you Brilliant to be both our teacher, and our judger.

BRILLIANT: [laughs again] HARVARD!, you must hear of this. Ignorant has vomited another one again. Judger or what did you call it? [laughs with careless abandon]

IGNORANT: Am sure you won’t say am wrong this time.

BRILLIANT: My dear, am going to broadcast this . The correct word is judge and not judger. He who judges is a judge and not a judger, Ignorant.

CURIOUS: Brilliant? You are joking. Does it mean that he who sings is a sing? You must be a joker indeed.

IGNORANT: You don’t mind him. Brilliant is only trying to know it all. I wonder where he had hid his two ears when Mr. Courage taught us whenever –er [spells it] is added to a verb, it gives the noun version of such verb. You’ll remember he gave the following as examples: He who sings is a singer. Ignorant, please, fill in the gaps: He who fights...

IGNORANT:…is a fighter.

CURIOUS: He who plays…

IGNORANT:...is a player.

CURIOUS: He who works...

IGNORANT:…is a worker…

CURIOUS: Therefore, he who judges…

IGNORANT:…is a judger.

CURIOUS: Three hearty cheers for the winning team. Hip?

IGNORANT: Hip! Hip! Hip! Hurrah! [both clapped repeatedly as they mock Brilliant]

BRILLIANT: Hmmm! Curious, I’m not surprised. You’ll make a good lawyer. Your argument is sound, no doubt; but your idea is wrong! Your defence of nonsense with confidence is a remarkable evidence of your naked Ignorance.

CURIOUS: You’d better stop being poetic. Who cares for poetic license let alone nonsense!

IGNORANT: Curious, let’s allow him some breathing space. He wants to explain the circumstance, which makes judge; but not judger the correct word.

Curious: Okay. Brilliant, explain. After all you heard when I defended my claim. I did not only quote Mr. Courage the greatest authority on English Language in Harvard, but also cited suitable examples. Just do the same! I, Curious will be glad to lose out voluntarily to you without any further ado.

BRILLIANT: Well, if you still believe in Mr. Courage, let’s go to him. He has answers to this matter.

IGNORANT: Mr. Courage did he say, Curious?

CURIOUS: Alright, let’s go [hurrying feet perceived. A brief interlude follows].

CURIOUS: [Knocks, open and enters without Mr. Courage’s response)

MR. COURAGE: [startled] Am I safe? The three of you again!

CURIOUS: Excuse me sir. Is it correct to say somebody who sings is a singer?

MR. COURAGE: Yes, it is correct.

IGNORANT: What about someone who fights?

MR. COURAGE: That one is a fighter.

BRILLIANT: [voice intensified] All those ones are correct, I know! What about someone who judges sir?

COURAGE AND IGNORANT: Situation exceptional again?😱

MR. COURAGE: My dear. Now listen all of you . It is not all verbs in English Language that can take –er [spells it] to form their nouns. I quite agree with you that majority of these verbs do. Nevertheless, few verbs don’t. The word judge is one of such exceptions. He who judges is a judge; not judger, gossip is another one. He who gossips is a gossip; not a gossiper. He who cooks is a cook. A cooker is used to describe apparatus on which food is cooked. A stove is an example of such apparatus. Other words which behave in the manner similar to the word judge include: cheat, coach, nurse, scold, referee and mine. Do try and find more examples of words of this nature and I will be humble enough to learn from you all.

CURIOUS:...but, Mr. Courage, is there no better explanation than situation exceptional😰
which you always give as answers?

MR COURAGE: Curious, this is the way it is with the language called English. Today, they tell you the past form for the word defend is defended. Just add –ed [spells it]. They tell you. When you do that with go or fight, it is forbidden! It is went or fought respectively. With hit or put, some other time, they will tell you it is the same work. This is the more reason why someone has to study the language in order to learn the correct usage based on the model of the native speakers or the rules of English grammar.

IGNORANT: ,Mr. Courage, please! {intonation rises}

MR. COURAGE: Yes, Ignorant [intonation falls]

IGNORANT: On the whole, do I understand you to mean that, like Brilliant, you don’t know the answer either or Curious, what do you say to my question?

CURIOUS: Certainly, you’re in order. I support you.

BRILLIANT: You’d better stop being naughty. You heard him already. He said that that is the way the native speakers use their language. Study it and you will understand it [bangs Mr. Courage’s table rapidly three times] Court! [dragging the word].

MR. COURAGE: Thank you, Brilliant, case closed. We shall meet in the class soon.

[Courage and Ignorant felt disappointed and defeated. They sat moody on getting to the class; studying their grammar textbook without talking to anyone. Mr. Courage walks in gallantly]

STUDENTS: Good afternoon sir.

MR. COURAGE: Good afternoon students, you may sit. We shall be treating the topic situation exceptional♨ in English grammar.

[Curious and Ignorant gave a hostile look to Mr. Courage😈].

MR. COURAGE: If he who drives is a driver and he who drums is a drummer; he who guards will be?
CURIOUS AND IGNORANT: [coincidentally raised hands together]

BRILLIANT: [looks surprised and ready to burst into an unending laughter]

MR. COURAGE:[flabbergasted] Yes, you two in unison, he who guards is?

CURIOUS AND IGNORANT:...a guard

MR. COURAGE [marveled] Give them a round of applause. You're correct and improving.
[.light fades.]

♨♨♨♨♨THE END♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨♨