Broken Conventions

Ranulf: It’s a bit odd you see, because I usually do the biting…

Mitzy: And here you are being bitten.

Ranulf: Quite. (Ranulf rakes his finger through his thick grey hair.) Who knows what will happen when they come round.

Mitzy: Maybe you’ll be able to jump like… like spiderman.

Ranulf: Oh very funny.

Mitzy: Or maybe they’ll drain you dry, like a shrivelled prune.

Ranulf: That thought had crossed my mind, but surely they will explode before that happens.

Mitzy: But that won’t kill them though, will it? They’ll just go on sucking like open taps, thinking they are still alive.

Ranulf: Technically they are dead already.

Mitzy: So are you.

Ranulf: Har, har, very funny. So how do you cope?

Mitzy: You called this meeting between our clans to discuss this? How dare you waste my time on such trivialities?

Ranulf: The issue is of mutual concern.

Mitzy: I fail to see how your pest problem is my concern? Oh wait…

Ranulf: (Grins)

Mitzy: The hunk last night…

Ranulf: (Nods)

Mitzy: (Scratches her flank) Was one of yours…

Ranulf: And I bet you curled up with your pack this morning.

Mitzy: Damn you Ranulf, biological warfare is against the conventions.

Ranulf: Technically you seduced a vampire.

Mitzy: Who deliberately infected me…

Ranulf: ‘Once bitten, twice shy’ I like to say.

Mitzy: More like ‘Twice bitten..’. What am I meant do? Stab them with tooth picks?

Ranulf: Unless you can think of a better way? Garlic butter might do the trick, though I personally haven’t tried that one. And you have so much more hair than me.

Mitzy: Fur! We’re werewolves, we’re covered in fur.

Ranulf: Well now you’re covered in vampire fleas too. Here, I got you a present for April fools day.

Mitzy: What is it?

Ranulf: Tooth picks. Ha, ha, ha.

Mitzy: (Jumping to her feet) I’ll get you back for this one, Ranulf! Just you wait until next year.

Ranulf: (Leaving the bar) Enjoy staking your fleas, losers!

Image by miranda.granche