Post Traumatic Stress & Family Suffering the Same!
PTSD Journal Entry attempt #1
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When I started this Steemit page I started it with hopes in using it as a PTSD journal. Its been tough to let it go, well here it is my entry today is how I feel and need to express right now. No story just raw feeling and emotion.
I have something on my mind today in which some may see as weak or even stupid. I live with a very small circle of friends and even fewer I consider close. The big comment I always experience is how can you be unhappy when you live the “American Dream” you have a wife and 3 children, you got clean from opiates, you live in a house. Just noting the positive things that I have which I admit has a lot to do with the fact I am still here. But never fails to see the side that is going on inside my head, because its hard to explain and equally to understand.
My family is everything to me my children are my purpose, my only purpose! My mission for life after the military became my child which later became children. To understand even while shoulder deep in my addiction I always placed my daughter first. Food, clothing, school supplies, the whole nine. When it comes to my family they are off limits to any type of danger or ridicule of any sort. Hit my child's stroller not paying attention you might have a problem you weren’t expecting to have. The switch is that quick the rage mode with my family!
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I am a medicine shrinks guinea pig at the moment, with no idea what truly works to treat what is PTSD and so far over the last year its been bad reactions. In the middle of me trying to fix my own shit I have to keep that strong face I cant break down because my children need a solid father at these ages. They are affected by my PTSD as well they have to fight the battle not knowing it because daddy is always having emotional breakdowns trying to keep it in to be strong.
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This is the double edged sword when it comes to my family my world my reason for being. They suffer at my brain going crazy. All this while I am trying to seek help the most! Thank goodness for my amazing strong wife, for putting up with the rage, the anxiety, the isolation, the appointments, and the children. She is truly the anchor that keeps this family going and above it all she deals with me. Ups, downs, lows, and between shes been there.
Trauma places the person at odds with a former rendition of reality and priority. Recovery is all about fitting oneself back and finding a new understanding. It's very hard but a support network is crucial. Having connection with those who suffered the same trauma is a starting point. best of luck.
couldn't be more right about a good support network, without it I would be lost. Thank you for taking the time to read. thanks for the luck, gonna need it.
As well tossed ya a follow.
welcome to steemit comunity i hope you enjoy here :-)
thank you, I'm have been enjoying my time amazingly meeting new people and just trying to open.
Tossed ya a follow
You got a 47.62% upvote from @luckyvotes courtesy of @derangedvisions!
Good post, brother! I quit being a VA guinea pig a while ago. I got tired of here try this and try that. It made me worse than I was. I have some meds that seem to take the edge off of the PTSD symptoms and I go with that. It is not perfect but no more of this and that. I did a 6-week inpatient for PTSD in the VA. It took a lot to get in that but it gave me some other avenues besides meds. Making some great posts and getting it figured out keep up the good work. Steem On!
Just wanted to share again a video - in case you didn't have the chance to watch it - I posted as a reply to @derangedvisions touching movie War-Torn that deals with PTSD and improvement of the condition using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). That's an energy phsycology method.
Please trust me on this, it's really worth watching.