You Don’t Know Me Yet, And Neither Do I

If there is one theme that has been a constant in my life it is surprise. There have been many. Some were expected like a 30th birthday party. Others were unannounced and pounced like a cat on a toy. Oh yes I’ve been the toy more than once.

What is life, if not a blended mix of all that we have experienced, both the bitter and the sweet. I had no blueprint to follow in my life so I had no choice but to become my own trailblazer.

Sitting here and writing this introduction while reflecting on my life is like an out of body experience, or my life flashing before my eyes.

A time warp that is moving so fast that a shape begins to take form…

Bent over double in a thunder storm running, curled up reading at home, jumping on broken glass grandma frantically soaking bloodied feet, huge snowflakes melting on an upturned face eyes closed, tongue stuck to a frozen fence post, tobogganing wildly out of control the kid in front breaking his leg, sexual abuse, moving from the big city to the woods, father dead from suicide, building our new home, canoeing, skating, snowmobiling, swimming, bike, first instrument ukulele, lonely, second instrument guitar for Christmas, sexual abuse, moped, first girlfriend, first heartbreak, acute smells as I write this, cold winter air, fall leaves, me and John skinning the bear that tried to kill his pregnant wife, the tough fatty taste of the meat, first singing gig, shown the door at 17 and shocked, a good boy brokenhearted took my boy scout of the year award with me, out into the world with no plan now, railroad is good money hard cold work, did I find Jesus or did he find me, Bible college, singing summers Crater Lake, Red woods, president’s heads, married, two kids, divorced, youth pastor, carpenter, photographer, married divorced again really come on, did I find music or did music find me, lifelong dream completing original album, playing music full time, Dominican orphans, knack for cooking and baking, wait, what, industrial design, I have no training, universe doesn’t care and keeps giving me new designs, fine if you insist…I do.

What have I learned about myself? There is no box that can define me. I am just as comfortable splitting firewood as I am writing a song, baking a cake and shooting my 45/70 with 325 grains.

If I am not excited about life at a particular moment I will find a new challenge and live a new dream. Maybe this is part of that dream. I hope you like me for who I am. I won’t be holding anything back. I’ll be sharing my songs, my photography, cooking and camping tips, clever things you can adapt for your own use like my pill bottle keychain organizer and how to do anything with a wok from breakfast to baking.

All aboard! Welcome to the life expressed!

How do you introduce a life lived? What a challenge!

I will put down one of my original songs today called That Kind of Nothin’

This is a very heartfelt song for me and I know we have all seen (or been) people throw themselves at someone who does not want or appreciate them reciprocally. A complete imbalance in desire is always disastrous, leading to an overall relationship imbalance.

This song is from my own heart experiencing that imbalance personally. You can never change that imbalance, it is predetermined the moment you meet someone and impossible to alter. In my experience, it is set like an immovable and arbitrary mountain based on some primal sense of one’s own self worth and the perceived value or compatibility of another.

I suppose my favorite line from this song is

If she only had the eyes to see
That I’m the kind of nothin’
That she needs

https://soundcloud.com/michaelarthurtremblay/that-kind-of-nothin

That Kind of Nothin'

I’m not the kind of guy
That would usually catch her eye
On any given day or street
She’d simply pass me by

I may be nothing like the man
She imagined in her dreams
I know I’m not the kind
You’d see up on a screen

But I’ve got something better
Than a star on some old sidewalk
I’ll sit with her all night and talk
Wrapped up in my old sweater

I’m nothing like the guys she knew
Who promised things they couldn’t do
And the only thing that was really true
Was the day would come when they were through
If she only had the eyes to see
That I’m the kind of nothin’
That she needs

I’ll always be that kind of nothin’
She never dreamed about
But I’ll always be the man
That never leaves her with a doubt
I’m not so blind that I can’t see
She’s a treasure without a key

And there’s no way in but what she will allow
All she ever wanted was a faithful lifetime vow

© Michael Arthur Tremblay 2010