That pain is worth if our story can inspire of guide another walker. When I was 18 years old I nourrished from poems and lives of painters and poets. I thank a lot that they took the pain to publish cause my life changed direction under their influence. But I agree with you of horse! I lived in a Zen temple in Chile years ago... But look, I think we strive, we strive and we think the self discovering is never done, but it partially does. Imagine if u go from home to Tibet walking, after 10 years you might be still on the way but you already move a lot, so u send some post cards trying to remember your mother tonge.