Watch out Steemit, here I come..I hope your ready for this..

Who am I? That really depends on who you ask? And why you are asking ;)

If I am to be labeled by my accomplishments and struggles survived, then I would be a former United States Marine Corps Explosive Ordinance Technician, business owner, crytotrader, writer, smart ass, creature of intellect, south paw, INTJ, call it as it is individual and thus far cancer survivor.

In regards to military service I enlisted straight out of high school where I was originally assigned the Military Occupational Specialty of 1371 “Combat Engineer”. My first duty assignment was Okinawa where I was stationed at Camp Hansen, Camp Schwab, and Marine Corps Air Base Futenma. From here I was picked up for the base rifle and pistol team, placing within the top three I went on to fire with the Marine Corps Rifle and Pistol Team. Through contacts I made on the team I eventually laterally moved to Explosive Ordnance Disposal in 1999, and attended Naval Explosive Ordnance Disposal School at Englin Air Force Base in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. I was 1 of 2 that graduated from an original class of 23; the rest having either dropped back or washed out.

* I'm on the right

* Getting a medal

As an EOD technician, I was again stationed in Japan, this time at Marine Corps Air Station Iwakuni. From there I deployed to Australia, Guam, Korea, Thailand, Phillipines, Russia, Brunei Darussalam and places you don’t want to be. I was also fortunate in that I found myself assigned to the Secret Service as EOD asset for the protection of Secretary of State Colin Powell. During this assignment I travelled all over the world as a part the Secretary of State’s Secret Service detail checking and clearing areas expected to be used by him of potentially explosive or suspicious devices. I also was assigned a position working with the Department of State to assist in the training of working dogs for explosives detection.

So you want to join EOD?

Well if you have flair for the exotic

And like digging live mortars out of the ground

Then Welcome aboard!!!

In summary of formal Military Schools see below:
• Staff Non Commissioned Officer Career Course November 2002
• Explosive Ordinance Disposal Advanced (Improvised Explosive Devices) Course October 2001
• Explosive Ordinance Disposal Course August 1999
• Combat Engineer Non Commissioned Officer Course April 1999
• Sergeants Course August 1998
• Primary Marksmanship Instructor Course November 1996
• Small Arms Instructor Course September 1996
• Combat Engineer Course January 1995

Traditional Education:
• Wheeler high School, 1990-1994, High School Diploma
• University of Maryland University College Asia 1996-2002, Associate of Arts degree (AA) - General Studies with
Business and Management Curriculum

After departing the Marine Corps I found myself in Florida working in the family General Contracting business. Which in 2004 was booming after Hurricane Charlie leveled the area. Yet I always felt as though I was destined for more. That and the fact that myself and the boss aka “my father” tended to both be men of strong conviction. Basically we were both aggressive assholes that refused to take shit and for all of our efforts could never get along; him of former Chief of Police and me a Marine. So I abandoned the business and embarked upon my own endeavors.

* yeah I know I smile too much.

Hurrican Charlie Devastation

More Hurricane Charlie Aftermath

Having little in the amount of savings at the time, but a good head on my shoulders I figured Real Estate sounded cool. So I took the test, got a realtors license and worked for a broker selling houses. This lasted all of 2 months before I realized that I should be the one buying and selling the homes as an investor and the Broker can work for me. So that’s what I did. I started buying fixer uppers and flipping them. I also began to expand my tentacles and channel my drive into the world of stock trading. Initially and like most of the uninitiated to the predatory market that trading is I played on emotion and I got burned; well not burned but singed around the edges. At this point I chose to dedicate myself to learning all that I could about wealth building, trading, investing and the like. I read all the books, Robert Kiyosaki; William O'Neil, Warren buffet, and many others; gaining a bit more knowledge with each one. Eventually my trading turned around as I acquired the discipline to remain devoid of emotion and adhere to certain strategies.

Over the following couple of years I parlayed my drive and strategies into a decent nest egg which I used to purchase a commercial building wherein I entered the Luxury Pet Resort business. I nurtured and grew this business till the point that I was comfortable with its value and sold it. Well that’s not totally true there was more involved in the decision to sell; my health playing a larger factor (more on that later). Although I sold the brick and mortar business I still offer consulting services for those interested in that market. Trust me if you want to get into that industry and start doing your research you will find me.

In regards to the health thing, well it is kind of a mind fuck and will challenge your view on God, free will and belief in others. That said I was lucky, well not really but I was at least unique in that I had an exceptionally rare cancer of the adrenal gland (stage 2). While this does not sound particularly interesting it had a most profound effect on my life. I was first notified of the tumor in 2010 at which time it was the size of a pea. The doctors told me it was probably benign, lots of people get these things, don’t worry about it and we will just follow up in two years. Taking this information at face value I put it out of my mind, carried on with my life, and failed to get the recommended follow up. Sometime in 2015 I was required to get a physical for my life insurance policies and in reviewing my patient history my primary care doctor came across the previous notation in regards to the tumor. As a result he scheduled me for another scan. Well 48 hours later my phone starts blowing up with calls from my primary care, oncologists, endocrinologists, end of life care specialists etc. I was like WTF.

Not bad for a guy that was dying..

So fast forward through all the testing and other non interesting BS and it is determined that I have some rare hormone producing tumor. Essentially I have too much adrenaline, too much testosterone (dang) and now a tumor the size of a baseball slowing eating me from the inside. So fast forward a bit more and the remove the tumor, clean margins, no need for chemo and six month Pet Scan follow ups. According to the odds I have a 50 percent chance of making it five years. Not my favorite odds, but fuck it. Not much I can do about it.

Now for the interesting part, we are for the most part indoctrinated into the belief that everything we do is a choice, we have free will and that God is good; that everything is his will and serves a greater purpose that may just be beyond our understanding. I challenge that thinking. In my particular case and in a most insidious manner, my tumor was producing hormones that slowly and insidiously had detrimental effects on my mental well being; as well as physical “blood pressure, heart enlargement, prostate etc.”

Placing the physical aside I began to notice over the course of a few years that I became consistently more irritable, violent, aggressive, prone to rage, hypersexual etc. I began to suffer crippling bouts of depression that with my personality type only served to make me angrier and bitterer.

Little things would send me into a rage and I would tear shelves off the wall, tear the mirrors off a car, throw things, engage in public fist fights, clear the deli counter at a grocery store after spiting on the glass while people restrained me as I felt the clerk rolled her eyes at me. It was bizarre, it was primal and it was uncontrollable. I knew something was wrong, but had no idea what. I felt as though I was losing my mind. I abused every person in my life, I beat up a few of my friends, knocked out a man that cursed me in the parking lot of Walmart, got into bar fights, drank to excess to drown the depression etc. No matter how successful I was, I felt miserable, unhappy and mad, just fucking mad at the world. I spent the better part of two years waking up every day wanting to twist the heads off of kittens. I felt as though there was a monster inside of me beyond my control. I began to blame my wife for my unhappiness and my marriage soon crumbled.

To this day I have the utmost regret for the hurt and pain that my illness and the resultant choices of my contaminated mind caused my wife. I am; however, happy she found happiness beyond me, but likewise sad that I will never find forgiveness with her. It is easier for her to just believe that is who I am and not accept that a physical illness had serious physiological effects. For if she was to believe that latter then she would have to accept that I am still the man she once fell in love with. Basically I was a great husband the first 8 years, and slowly turned into the devil the last five. It happened slowly but deliberately as the tumor grew and consequently produced more and more hormones, in turn skewing my personality further and further toward the dark side.

I’m not totally unique and others have had similar experiences with this type of illness.
http://www2.pedsanesthesia.org/meetings/2013winter/syllabus/submissions/stracts/nonmod/NM-221.pdf
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/15/magazine/15wwln-diagnosis-t.html

In regards to the effect of this illness on my faith. Religious people preach that we are judged based upon our actions and choices. The result being that the book of life will or will not hold our name based upon the result of the choices we made while exercising free will during the course of our lives. If that is true and it God gave us free will in order to prove our worthiness or lack thereof to enter the pearly gates then explain the medical cases above and mine. Explain how the choices made were "free will", that the rage, depression etc. were the conscious choices of a healthy mind exercising their free will. Rationalize to me how the destruction that was wrought within their lives was deserved based upon the poor choices they made while ill.

In truth the illness killed my faith and led me to the conclusion that we are nothing more than an accumulation of matter; that we are nothing more than the sum of numerous biological processes and chemical reactions. When one of those processes goes off the rails and begins to act in a manner contrary to its design then the entire system that depends on it begins to fail, up to and including ones sanity. As a result the information your mind is being provided to make choices is likewise becomes flawed. All the while your life goes to shit as the result of some biological process you have no control over poisoning your body and mind from the inside. And this is Gods' will?

I have since entered a new relationship with a wonderful woman 12 years my junior and now have my first child; a daughter. My analytical mind; however, still recognizes this as nothing more than ripples in a pond emanating from the original stone thrown in by my illness. My current relationship and all that comes with it is a protracted example of causation; plain and simple. For had that have never occurred I would not be where I am now. If I could give this all away and go back in time to a point where I never got sick thereby trading in what I have now for the future I could have had with my wife I would. Is that selfish, and assholish to say in light of the fact that I now have a child? Perhaps, but it’s honest and a reflection of the love and regret that I will always carry for my wife and not a reflection for or against those that currently inhabit my life.

New younger hot chic

Old version of my younger self..

Moving on, I have always been a writer having won poetry and writing contests from a young age; though at this age I don’t proofread nearly as much as I should. Topic dependent, my writing style can be exceptionally analytical or straight from the hip; all the while mindful to maintain a conversational storybook style of writing.

At 40 I could be labeled as semi retired though I trade and study cryptocurrencies / regular commodities on a daily basis.

If you are like reading the unfiltered meanderings and analysis of an experienced trader and abrasive former Marine that writes about everything and does not give two shits about public opinion, political correctness and refuses to subscribe to the overly politically correct and safe space embracing current society we now live in; then upvote me and follow. If not then retreat to your safe space and cover your ears while assuming the fetal position.