I love him but I'm not his anymore.... This is not a love story but it's a sad story about love, about goodbye and about giving up.

Before i begin my story, i assure you it is 100% true. I write this story to share my experience in life and with love. I learned that if you do something behind your family's back you just end up hurting yourself...

When we first met I was 15, he was 17. It all started online. I know you might be thinking....tragic love story.....online.
I randomly started chatting with him because i was extremely bored and he himself as also very bored. For about a week we would chat for hours and hours. I found myself laughing in front of the computer screen at the stories he told me. The heart that seemed like it never lived seemed to suddenly start beating. I like him. Living in a house with older brothers and sisters who were busy with their husbands, wives and jobs, I always felt alone, like i wanted to talk to someone. My parents were constantly caught up in family feuds and i was always left behind in my room with nothing . My friends were around but i couldn't tell them EVERYTHING, I mean i was new to the school and didn't instantly fit it. Anyways, I talked to this guy for a week, one week i found myself busy and unable to come on;line. I missed him; i really wanted to talk to him. I didnt know what was going on with me, I mean....I met him ONLINE... He might no even be a guy or he might be some random pervert who hits on girls. But i felt that he was something I always wanted. Weired?Yes.very.
After the weekend ended i went online and received many offline messages. He told me he wanted to talk to me , that he missed me and gave me his number. I gathered the courage to grab my phone and dial the number i saw in front of me.
Hearing his voice , it was perfect, not too squeaky, not too deep, it had a softness to it and felt like i was being hugged to sleep..
He was perfect.
We talked for hours and hours every single night . Laughing at every single story one another said. Things were going great. One day we met up in the crowd of people i saw, I dont know how but i spotted him instantly. He had a buff body, a beautiful face , a perfect beard and bronze complexion. He was perfect.
I couldn't believe my eyes, someone so perfect online? i mean that doesn't really happen.....
It was like i knew him forever. we played in the snow like children and time flew by so quickly that i felt i stayed with him 10 minutes, not whole day.
The following week i was to travel abroad for 4 days and i was so depressed at the whole idea of leaving him. I wanted more of him, he wanted more of me too but I had to go.
For 4 days i wasn't able to have any contact with him what so ever and i missed him dearly. After what felt like the longest 4 days of my life, I finally came back. Fom the airport i directly went to see him. Being in a family who strictly believed in love after marriage { arranged marriages }, what i was doing was life threatening but i still did, I would lie to my parents to see him , every morning in my spring holidays he would pick me up and we would go to the beach or the ice cream parlor or any place, just as long as i was with him. At night he would stay on the phone with me until i fell asleep and he would also fall asleep on the sound of me breathing..... on school night when it got too late we would hang up a bit earlier but start texting for the next hour. When we had final exams he would stay on the phone with me hearing me study, flipping through pages, taking notes and talking to myself. It was love, I knew it, and he knew it. I felt no couple on earth could be as perfect and as in love as we were. Things got very serious and we went to the hotel....once...twice...three times....the most beautiful hours of my life. ME AND HIM.
Until that one day.
That one day that ruined it all..... We hadn't see each other in weeks because of school and issues that kept coming up.
He constantly texted, begging to see me, if only for 5 minutes. I was trying so hard to convince my parents to let me go out but they didn't seem to want to cooperate with me on that day. Giving up, I collapsed onto my bed and fell asleep...
Oh how I regret that small nap i took.
I woke up remembering that my love was waiting for me to let him know if i could see him or not and i jumped out of bed looking everywhere for my phone. i couldn't find it...
It was with them..... They found it...they read everything ........they knew everything.
My brothers came into my room and slammed the door behind them. Their eyes were red and furious. They kept on asking me questions....Who is he? When did you meet him? How far have you gone? But i didn't want to say anything ..I didn't want them to hurt him......
They threatened to whip me if i didn't speak up , but i didn't care. I told them nothing.
One of my brothers left the room and went downstairs while the others continued interrogating me....When he showed up he was holding a whip, a thin brown whip. He whipped me so much that i felt that the tears i was crying were tears of blood...but i didn't speak up....I told them nothing...
My mother came into the room begging my brothers to stop. Thankfully...They did...
Seeing that there was no point in asking me question they left my room and locked it from the outside with a key. I couldn't believe what happened....My head kept spinning...I was crying tears that burnt my skin....I felt my heart aching, but no regret.....no.
Not for a single moment did i ever regret loving him. I just regretted that i wasn't more careful.

The whole household seemed shocked...shocked that their little girl could do something like that..... my mother couldn't believe anything. She kept on telling me, how could you betray your own family? We trusted you.....
How could I? why did I because i loved him.....he made me happy ...he was mine...he was my perfect prince........I was not allowed to leave my room for my own safety. Though angry at me, mother knew if my brothers saw me they would whip me to death..Staying away.....in my room was the better option..... my brothers told my mother that i was to stay at home, if i was to go anywhere it would be school and school only, until it was time for me to get married to some random guy they would set me up with. I was living like a prisoner in my own house.
I didn't care what they wanted to do to me or what other intentions they had....i wanted to see him...i had to see him, I need him...so badly......

For about a week I stayed in my room crying myself to sleep every night I felt like i was going crazy. I was smelling him.... all my clothes smell like him......seeing him...hearing his voice...... I refused to eat anything and all i did was either scream or cry.
My brothers got annoyed at my screaming and threatened to whip me more if i they heard another sound from my room. Until one day I just couldn't , I cant take it anymore. I put on a hoodie; baggy pants, sucks out from my window and ran away. It was 5AM and i had no where to go......I didn't want to call him because i knew if my brothers were going to look for me, they will first check if i went to him.
I found a random bench and just sat there....extremely frightened at every stranger that passed by.....I was 16...but i felt like i was 4 again....trembling like a child who had just lost her mother. I had no money...no water. I was dying for a droplet of anything....looking on the ground for any change....I found nothing.
Then my monthly visitor came..... i was bleeding...I needed to wash up and i needed to change. I was in pain. I felt disgusting and i knew couldn't call anyone. With my own two legs i went back to the prison i was in. I slowly crept back into my room, trying not to attract any attention and making no noise. As I turned around to close my window,I saw him in the black land cruiser, he was there. Oh how i wanted to jump back out and run into his arms. just as i opened the window again to step back out he signaled to me to say and blew me a kiss and quickly drove off. Why did he go? No, come back, my tears were streaming down my face as i saw his car drive off, but i dont blame him. My brothers had just left the house and would have noticed him. For the rest of the day I stayed in my room, crumbled under my blanket....crying....I was holding a watch he had given me....feelings the leather...smelling it...it smelt like him...Aaaaaah I was going crazy. When night came ... my brothers came into my room....he told me I was to go to school the next day and promised to rearrange my face if i did anything sneaky after or before school.

I was so excited ...and the minute he said hello...my eyes filled with tears...my heart sunk ... we couldn't talk much but he just wanted to make sure i was okay and promised to drop something off at school before the end of the day. Before my last class the school admin me bag...he had dropped it off just like he promised. He gave me phone......

I kept it hidden in my bra at home and at night i talked to him...told him how much i missed him. He told me that he was going crazy...my phone was switched off and he was worried that maybe i got mad at him but he knew that wasn't me, I wouldn't just disappear... I couldn't. Things were getting better...so much better..being locked up in a room with nothing to do but talk to him was more than enough. To my luck my brothers and my parents had to go to France because my uncle was very sick. My room was unlocked but they got a housemaid to watch every move i made and make sure i dont go anywhere...gosh...she must of been played a lot...she was like a hawk......
But I wanted to go out, I wanted to see him, I missed him so much, hearing his voice wasn't enough anymore. One night he called me at 10pm and told me to look out the window. There he was but not in his car at my door. Yes, I snuck him into my room and for 3 beautiful nights...he stayed with me....every kiss was like my last...I knew we couldn't be together......something just kept on annoyingly reminding me... The third and last night was the very last time I ever saw him. My family came back with news that i didn't want to hear..... We were going to move....not to another neighborhood, not to another city....to another CONTINENT.....across the world..we were going to move forever. I was to be married to my brother;s friend when i graduated from the university and that wasn't a choice...or an offer..that was an order. They told me he was best suited for me and not the trash I fell in love with.

I cried for days....weeks...months....
I called him... I told him what happened...he couldn't believe me...he blew up.....and he did something i never expected him to do....he called my brothers... he told them he loved me, he wanted me, he couldn't live without me and that he would do anything to have me. He explained to him how the thought of me being someone else killed him no one on earth would make me as happy as he would. He wanted marriage. He wanted to live and die by my side. strangely my brother didn't shout, didn't swear, he told him he was ready to compromise.

His way.....

He beat him but so badly that he was taken to the emergency room in the hospital. His brother called, told me to back off, that i had hurt him enough, that because of me he didn't sleep nights...he wasn't eating properly and he wasn't bonding or seeing any of his friends or family remembers ....and now he was on his death bed. His brother begged me to realise that our love was impossible and it did nothing but hurt both of us....

About a month later we traveled.

Here I am...at the end of the world....missing him...
Wishing to be able to hear his voice, to see his perfect smile, feel his perfect body..but i dont want him to get hurt anymore...
And I must not forget.....

I am a bride to be.