I hate New Years Eve

Funny thing about memories... I don't know when real memories start or which memories I have been told or which memories I have made up to fill a void or explain some pain that I do not understand... I feel pain associated with New Years Eve. From the post christmas crash until this day i have so many dreadful feelings...

I look through this Steemit platform at all of the posts... some intriguing, some enlightening and some just silly. I would love to add something of value.... but perhaps the value I will find in this is mere innate value for myself... the value in getting it all out there so to speak. Value in putting my thoughts and feelings into writing... value in potentially understanding myself and receiving input from other struggling souls looking for a platform to find some peace...

Memories... tonights memories.... I have scattered memories of this night from throughout my childhood, my glory days, my not so glorious days and recent new years eves. There is so much expectation surrounding the new year. New year, New Me bullshit. Tomorrow morning I am going to wake up the same person I let myself down with today...

I guess I need to explain more about me... about the first eve I remember...

sometimes i am beautiful on the outside....