I Didn't Want to Fall in Love With Portland

 

I didn't want to fall in love with Portland.
I'd been living for several years in L.A. and New York, pursuing my dream of being a professional actor - ambition coursing through my veins. The last thing I wanted was to move back to a city (I believed) offered me few opportunities as a professional actor.

When I found myself pregnant and alone, however, I needed my parents' help. Six months pregnant, I moved across the country and into my parents' suburban Portland home, eating a plethora of humble pie. I was the only person without a romantic partner/mate in my birth class. No one wanted to hire a pregnant woman. I had to apply for government assistance. Lots of pie. I can't lie. I was lonely and filled with despair. This wasn't the way my Liberal Arts Life was supposed to unfold. I'd messed it all up, and now - I was convinced - I was stuck in the outskirts of a smallish city that could not possibly fulfill my life's dreams.

I wasn't stuck in the outskirts for long. My boy was a toddler when we moved into a one-bedroom apartment in the N. Mississippi neighborhood, in a building owned by one of Portland's great Patron of the Arts: Brian Wannamaker of The Falcon Art Community. We've never received child support though, so keeping our heads above water was sometimes overwhelming. I worked six days a week, double shifts on the weekends.

I was acting from time to time, but the 'ceiling' in Portland still seemed low. "How far could my acting career really go, in this town?" I asked myself daily. There was this siren song in my heart to return to L.A., that I just couldn't shake. One day, tired and frustrated, I cried out to the sky: "Take this ambition from me - or at the very least, let me fall in love with Portland!"

And that was it. Bam. My heart exploded open and suddenly I could see and FEEL how magical Portland was. I fell deeply in love with the lush tree-lined streets, the extraordinary foodie scene, the books, and the coffee. I fell in love with the artists, musicians, and writers at The Falcon Art Community - the creatives, MY people. Every time we drove across a bridge, I'd open my moonroof. My little boy would raise his arms and we'd shout "We Love You, Portland!" I did it even when my little boy wasn't in the car.

A year later, when an opportunity came for me to return to L.A., though, I took it. My ambition was chomping at the bit. "This is it," I thought, "This is My Time to Rise". I believed I would quickly become successful.
At first I traveled back and forth, then my boy and I moved to L.A. permanently. I worked a little, and struggled a lot. (Thanks for all the help, Mom & Dad. Seriously. I owe you, Forever.) Nothing went as I planned - or hoped. It was the recession. Independent film was dying, and Netflix TV was being born. No juicy roles landed in my lap that could truly showcase my chops. In fact, most of the roles I read for women were one dimensional - boring or stereotypical. As an actor, I was miserable.

Meanwhile, however, I was falling in love with a new skill I was developing: Writing. As a writer, I was world-builder, character developer - and I was no longer limited to one role, age or gender. Freedom. I began creating several TV series and hoped to break into the world of TV writing. My ambition was alive & well.

My heart was homesick, though, and it was beginning to impact my body. I was homesick for tree-lined streets, and people who create art for art's sake. I missed weirdness, I missed kindness. I wanted my son to live some place he could ride his bike, where he could be a kid in (relative) safety. I felt starved for beauty and nature. My body was breaking down further and further, my spirit asphyxiating.

During one Dark Night of the Soul, it suddenly dawned on me: What if I could find a a way to write, from Portland? I had multiple writing projects in development I wanted to focus on. I could lower my overhead while I wrote them. The comedy production company doors I'd opened while in L.A. (Elf, Talladega Nights) were still going to be open, even if I was in Portland. I could always fly to L.A. For meetings... I could move home.

I began to envision a creative way to morph my ambition WITH my love of the Pacific Northwest. The Call to Adventure was ringing me once again - only this time it was to return to the Land of Waterfalls, the Realm of the Weird & Quirky & Cool, where my heart is the happiest. I listened, following my ever-blooming Heart right back to the City of Roses.

This past June, while in L. A. for a meeting, I pitched a comedy film franchise idea to the head of film development at Mosaic. Why not a TV series, he asked? So here I am, full circle, developing another show. This time, it's one that is close to my heart - it's set in Portland, Oregon.

So, let's make some Story-telling Magic, Portland. I love you. I'm home.

-- Jennifer Skyler is a writer/actress, who is currently developing a comedy TV series to be shot in the city she so dearly loves.