Hi. My pseudoname is Frank Gold. And I am a recovering porn and masturbation addict, raised by narcissists.

Hi steemit. I am Frank Gold. And I am addicted to porn and masturbation.

If you don't even know what porn and masturbation addiction is, and how it effects someone, you can find a good introduction to the topic here:

http://yourbrainonporn.com/

Frank Gold is not my real name. And therefore I won't do the "publish your pic with your face holding a sign saying hi steemit" thing. I want to keep this account anonymous. Or at least pseudonymous. Because there is a lot of shame and emotional baggage when I'm discussing a topic like PMO (Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm) addiction. I hope you understand. But everything other than my real life ID here will be the true story.

A bit of information about me:

I'm a 44 yo single male. I have been unsuccessfully trying to make money online, since forever... I don't go out much, have many friends, and I am basically sitting in front of a computer all day every day. I still am dependent on my mother financially.

I do not like to be addicted to anything. Therefore I never had a serious problem with any other kind of addiction before. Alcohol, smoking, drugs... Didn't appeal me at all. But porn sneaked my normal defenses. I thought it was just normal. In absence of a real life girlfriend, that's how I satisfied my urges.

But soon, nudes and soft porn started to not satisfy me. I started looking at more and more extreme porn. In my case, that went towards more and more self-degrading styles of porn. Chastity, cuckolding, femdom, humiliation, that sort of thing.

I was also raised by a narcissistic mother and I also have low self esteem and toxic shame issues that I am struggling with. Basically I find it difficult to love myself. Instead I not get off on self-degradation. Which is sick.

If I go back to the roots of it, my low self esteem is based on being the scapegoat or black sheep of the family. I may also talk about such family issues, as it relates to my addiction. I will not mention any real names or identities of family members either. Because everything is of public record on blockchain. I don't want to enter a mud slinging contest.

Last time I PMO'd was just last night. This is day 1. I intend to keep a blog here, share my experiences, just in case it may help someone else too. NoFap subreddit is quite popular, with 187,000+ members. And also, when I make a public promise, to someone else, I tend to take it more seriously. I intend to write one post a day. I hope you find this valuable and helpful, if you suffer from similar issues. It helped me to know, I'm not alone in this.

I have been trying to give up porn addiction for the last 3 years without much success now. I hope this one will be the last.