Crisis Reviews: WET The Video game

Intro

Wet, one of the very few games that has left me feeling more dry than an Arabs sandal while it’s pouring rain and gale force winds.

You can already tell that i really don't like this game and here are some of the reasons why the game is shite and should not be someone’s wet dre,,,,,, nope nope i'm not going that far….. No…..

Story

The story is pretty simple as you play as Rubi (with an I) Malone (because of course her parents wanted name that would haunt her because of an ex job of being a successful stripper):

A Merc for hire who loves booze and having a pretty ballsy attitude towards pretty much everything. Which is actually a nice change from as some people put it “damsels in distress” ……You know who you are.

Her first mission is to get a box back from a guy called simmons which contains a body part that is going to save someone's life. After killing Simmons in a somewhat interesting fashion she saves the day and then goes home to her junkyard to drink booze and listen to country music cause MURICA!!.

To which a mysterious name comes and gives you a job offer, claiming to be William Ackers, his son Trevor has “left him to go to Hong Kong out of disobedience so when you end up bringing the guy back to daddy he straight up cuts the poor dudes head off and leaves RUBI for dead so then of course you end up on a typical tale of revenge and looking stylish while she’s at it, apparently.

The characters in WET are pretty weird and blandish, You got a German swordsman/cowboy, a British gangster who possibly likes BDSM, a torturer who got a segway for no reason and lasts like 5 seconds, A scottish guy who sounds Irish, A Czech woman who acts a little weird and a blind Woman who looks like something out of a horror movie and had a shitty makeup designer, Not to mention the bad guy at the end who is just a general prick, with two chinese informants that you are supposed to get emotionally attached but the game goes so quick i regards to its story i couldn't really give two shits. There was a scene that was supposed to be dramatic and sad but i really couldn't get invested. And that what happens in most of this game, it feels more like a long movie than a game.

Gameplay

It's your typical third person shooter with “stylish” moves. Well…. Kinda, it's very linear with nothing to add in regards to innovation. You get a watergun of a revolver at the beginning of the game that turns into 2 when you do “Stylish moves” Which im my case consisted of her sliding a lot on her knees a lot trying desperately to give a reason say “yeah i'm a badass gunslinger” when in fact i kept thinking that i was in a 80’s movie with the director having his dick in his hands saying, “no….. More sexy….”

A weird thing that i noticed that they decided that to have a movie film reel kinda style and even when you lose enough health you’ll see a film reel, it's alright to a degree if you actually wanted to see your film through a shit screen while your father is trying to change the film reel but it’s fine, stop touching the damn thing you're ruining the moment!

Ok so most of the game is extremely linear, though there is only one exception and that is the arena battles and even those are pretty boring as they happen every FIVE MINUTES!

It feels like a recycled mess with one or two bits of freedom, as all they consist of Rubi destroying locks in certain areas and depending on the area there will be a marker to say how many there are. It’s like when people give you a routine and you do it over and over, you become bored and uninterested. Jesus even Challenge modes are boring as shit and just repeat the story to get a better score or time attack at the junkyard.

Even the so called “Rage mode” that is used is just the same thing as the ordinary game only she has blood on her face and everything is red with enemies as black and white silhouettes, maybe the baddies die quicker? I really couldn't tell apart from my eyes started to sting after looking at it for too long, Like looking at the sun for too long or being forced to watch that ugly auntie or uncle stripping at the beach to bathe and you wish that sand would get in your eyes….. Please.

Enemies are copy and paste, cookie cutter guys but just wear different clothes and say different shit in each level or area and it really does kill the atmosphere when you're trying to desperately not to look like and idiot by sliding on your knees like a ninja gymnast.

AS i mentioned before the weapons in the game are pretty simple, you get your revolver, a shotgun (standard in most shooting games), a smg (oooh trying to be slick with spray and pray tactics) and a crossbow that has explosive bolts (wow didn’t see that one coming). They are that slow and weak at the beginning and become dual wielded when style comes into it and JESUS H TAP DANCING CHRIST! The upgrade system sucks.

OK so let me explain myself a little better with a story. Once upon a time the action to evade was a move that you had to buy. My head then exploded due to the stupidity of the developers as a core move in any game was a upgrade in this game and had to use points that you earn in game to buy it. So if I was shit at this game then i wouldn’t be able to get upgrades.

I could go on a rant here with shit like this and I might in the future I'm not sure.

Health regeneration by using booze….. The only good thing about this game as well as the music.

End Game

OK so after everything I would say to give the game a try, I’m just giving my stupid opinion. The ending was sequel baited and it was just a QTE.

Utter shite
2/5