Feelin’ the Fear and Doin’ It Anyway

Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I’m KJ. I’m excited and afraid to be here on Steemit. 

I’m excited because there is so many interesting ideas and viewpoints expressed here and so much awesome information; I’m afraid because I’ve decided that I want to post on here instead of just reading. I know that most everyone reading this is probably already on here writing, but for me, putting my ideas and feelings out there is a frighteningly big deal.

The Fear of Putting Things Out There

I’ve always loved to write and create, but I’ve also always been a bit afraid of putting my creations and writing out there for the world to see.  I realize that not everyone appreciates the same things - yet even though I know that, I still feel that need to have everyone love what I create.

So basically, I try desperately hard to please everyone while at the same time knowing that I can’t - welcome to my hell. I imagine a lot of people are probably in that same boat.  

I’m trying to be okay with the fact that not everyone is going to appreciate me and what I have to offer. I’ve always been a very private person so writing about personal thoughts and feelings is new for me, which is odd because those are the types of things that I most love to read.

Who I Am and Why Am I Here?

Who am I? Other than being a mom, I honestly have no idea anymore. With a recent divorce, I am going through some drastic life changes and am re-defining myself or at least trying figure out how I want to define myself and what I want in my life.

I think one thing that has attracted me to Steemit is that I hope that the writing process and the act of putting my feelings and thoughts out publicly will somehow help me on that journey.  I’m also hoping that by putting my feelings and thoughts out there, I can maybe help someone else in their path of trying to figure things out.

The Only Thing I’m Certain Of Being Anymore:  A Mom

I’m a mom to two teenagers who I think are pretty great kids. They do make me want to pull my hair out at times, but I love them and learn a lot from them. 

I think most kids tend to be aware of and understand more than we think they do, and mine definitely have a way of simplifying something down to its essence and then saying what they think, which helps me a lot, but I'll admit, it sometimes stings a bit.

What I Do for Work

I work from home, running an online shop where we sell personalized invitation designs. Creating a business was a big step for me - another area where I’ve had to deal with fear. It took a while to get it to work, but I kept designing (and re-designing) until it finally is doing okay.

With my own business, I still do have fear getting in the way on a regular basis, but I’m learning how to deal with it (most days anyway). I love working from home and am working on starting a new online shop selling metaphysical and spiritual supplies and jewelry. It’s in the early stages, but is starting to gain momentum. 

In the past, I’ve worked traditional retail and waitress jobs, yet I’ve also worked some more unique jobs - I’ve taught at a marital arts studio, worked at a Sexual Assault Counseling Center, taught women’s self-defense courses, taught cardio kickboxing classes, and designed and managed websites. It’s been an interesting journey so far.

Other Stuff About Me

I have a bachelor’s degree in English. I grew up in California, but kind of randomly moved to Idaho about 10 years ago. I’ve always loved nature, wildlife, and the outdoors and been somewhat athletic. I love animals - especially my cats and dog - I love camping, hiking, fishing, running, and working out.  I also love reading, writing, and drawing. I love my family and friends. I love sunsets, tea, Chai Tea lattes, dark chocolate, coffee shops, flowers, the color black, and watching movies.

My Dog - Dwinn  He's a Husky/Border Collie mix and is a great dog! His name has an interesting story. When we adopted him from the humane society, we were taking forever to agree on a name so I started calling him “Dog With No Name,” which was too long to actually use so I starting using just the first letters DWNN and added the “I” in the middle and he's been known as "Dwinn" ever since.

What I Intend to Write About

I intend write about a mix of things that will hopefully help other people while helping myself as well: self-discovery, life, relationships, parenting, psychology, home business, small business start-up, the outdoors, and more. 

The more I think about it, the more I realized that I really shouldn’t care so deeply about the opinions of the people who don’t appreciate me or don’t like what I have to say. By putting the real me out there - I’m hoping that it might just help me connect with more people who like me for who I am and what I think, and those are the people that I want to be around. 

My Steemit Name - @creatingkj

I chose my Steem name, @creatingkj, because it represents two things for me - one, I love to create things so it is what I do; and two, I’m hoping to write about what I learn and my experiences in creating the new me - so I’m actually creatingKJ. So follow me, stick around, and see how that goes for me. I need all the help and encouragement that I can get!

My Contribution

I hope that my words can make a contribution here on Steemit - maybe even help a few fellow Steemians, but I realize that not everyone will be into what I have to say - a fact that I know I need to be okay with. This is probably the most open that I’ve ever been publicly, which scares me to death, but I’ve decided to feel that fear and move forward anyway. So with my heart pounding, I’m going to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and hit the “POST” button.