My Journey Through "Madness" - My Introduction

My name is Larry Harris, and I am from Jackson, Mississippi. I was watching some videos on YouTube a couple of days ago, and I came across a video about Steemit. After watching the video, and several others about Steemit, I knew I had to join. Since I'm supposed to introduce myself to all of you, and in the spirit of honesty (which it seems has gone out of the window with a lot of people in today's society), I would like to give you a glimpse into my journey for the past 15 years. You see, it was 15 years ago that my former life ended, only to be replaced with something a lot worse. And then, fast forward 14 and a half years, and that hellish life was replaced with the new, great life I have today. Allow me to tell you my story....

In March of 2002 I was really pushing myself very hard mentally (I was heavily into computers for a living), to the point where one day I woke up and I couldn't read anymore, and my thoughts were just racing very fast. To tell the truth, I think I kind of cracked from all of the pressure I was putting on myself. Anyway, I was admitted to the hospital (not a mental hospital, just a hospital) where I was kept for a week and a half as the doctors ran every test they could think of. Each test showed that there was nothing wrong with me. So I was released, and a couple of weeks after that I went to see a psychiatrist. I talked with the psychiatrist and she basically said the first time that she didn't think that I was mentally ill or anything, but I should come back some more to work on things. Fair enough. Now, this is where the story takes a tragic turn.....

The next time I go to see the psychiatrist, she tells me that she is leaving and a new doctor will be seeing me. Well, when I begin seeing the new doctor (who didn't really have extensive experience for someone her age), I was immediately placed on Geodon, which is an antipsychotic medication used to treat people with schizophrenia. So, in the span of two doctor visits I was told by one doctor that I wasn't mentally ill (nor schizophrenic specifically), while the second doctor immediately placed me on medication specifically for schizophrenia. After I was placed on Geodon, it was all downhill after that. Funny thing about psychiatric medications is that they are used to treat one thing, but by using them you develop a whole new medical problem, or as those in the know call it, side effects. And when you take another medication to deal with that side effect, well, that medication causes another side effect. So before you know it, you were initially being treated for one thing, and end up having a whole lot stuff wrong with you as a result of what you are taking. So once I was on the Geodon and started going downhill, I was then doped up on two additional antipsychotic medications along with it, and then placed on two antidepressants, even though I didn't have a history of depression in my entire life until I got on the medications. So for the next 14 and a half years I was on all kinds of heavy duty medications. I was literally a zombie for those 14 and a half years. I slept for about 16 hours a day and the rest of the time I just ate and watched TV. When you are on those medications, especially as much as I was on, you can't do anything. I told the doctor on numerous occasions that I felt trapped within myself; like I was locked deep in myself and I couldn't do anything no matter how bad I wanted to. The doctor told me on several occasions that I was very "aware" for someone who had schizophrenia, not to mention that during the early days I was placed on the medication, I was able to get a Master's degree online right before I became totally disabled mentally from the medications.

So this went on for about 14 and a half years until last September 2016. At that time, and at my mother's insistence due to her experience with working with people with schizophrenia (she was a social worker), my new doctor decided that perhaps for all of those years I was misdiagnosed, and that the problems I was having were a result of the medications I was on, and not any mental illness (remember the first doctor). So, for about a month I was slowly taken off of all of my medications. Why slowly you ask, and not all at once? Because if you stop antipsychotic medications cold turkey, it can cause extreme withdrawal symptoms and possibly death (funny no one tells you that stuff when they put you on it). So after about a month of slowly being taken off of the medication. a remarkable thing happened; I had a complete recovery! Now when I say complete, I mean complete. So much so that my doctor was shocked that not only I had a complete recovery, but that it happened as quick as it did. I'm talking about like in the span of a week of totally being off of everything completely. So of course, after I had my compete recovery, my mother asked my doctor at my final visit with him if he had any clue what happened with me. His response was that what I was suffering from in 2002 was more than likely a temporary thing that was misdiagnosed as schizophrenia (it happens more than you think). What that "thing" was he doesn't know, I don't know, nobody really knows. What I do know was that for 15 years (14 and a half years on medications, and the remaining time trying to get myself acclimated to this new world I am now living in and aware of) I was in a sort of hellish mental prison through no fault of my own. So, I lost 15 years of my life, and yeah, that sucks; but, in the end, like I said, I'm a better man for it. Why? Because to truly appreciate heaven, sometimes you gotta walk through hell (figuratively, not literally). And when you walk through hell, and you make it out in one piece, after that point life is awesome! You are extremely happy, because you truly realize the great Paul Mooney was right when he said that if you have your mind and your health, those are all of the riches you need. If you have your mind and your health, everything else can be acquired with some effort. But you gotta have your mind and health, those are the most important things.

(Me after being on three antipsychotic medications at the same time. Excessive weight gain is a side effect of antipsychotic medications.)

(A picture I took in April 2017, six months after being taken off of my medications. Since last October, as of today I've lost 70 lbs)

So, that's my story. It's interesting in that earlier I wrote that my former life ended 15 years ago. The truth is, my life pre-2002 was destroyed by the events of March 2002 to September 2016 and replaced with something terrible, and then that life was destroyed when I was taken off of my medications and had a complete recovery. I guess, in a sense, I'm now living my third life in a way. The funny thing is, this life I have now, is way better than the first two lives I've lived so far. Some people say the universe is about balance; for everything good, there is something bad, and vice versa. Maybe they're right, maybe they're wrong, who knows. Perhaps as time goes on, we can explore this and other things together here on Steemit. Thanks for reading my story. Take care.