I guess you know Alan Watts.

He very much liked "Houseman", a poem he sometimes quoted. When I read your line "I now feel that I am a stranger in a very strange land" it reminded me on it:

"I, a stranger and afraid. In a world I never made. They will be master, right or wrong; Though both are foolish, both are strong."

A. E. Houseman

For the rest of your introduction: I have to read it again. It's a challenge answering you. And I am already on pipeline with your reply ... couldn't resist to look up again... well. Good night for now from Germany (11 in the evening)