"The most hurtful thing for any Leo is to feel disrespected"
This was an of interest phrase that I put out this last August, my birth month. I have to admit that it has been a very trying year for me (actually, the last 18 months or so). As my birthday approached this year I had a unique opportunity for me to.......(trying to find the right words) let say, accomplish something that was to truly be an uplifting, motivating almost spiritually moving venture.
As I had been having an absolute awful run of bad luck. With a lot of this hardship stemming from outside forces. Others, who wanted to take me out of my character, and for whatever reason choose to push till a response was to their liking. About a month before this endeavor was to occur, most everything I spoke or did was turned into something negative. It seemed the harder I defended myself the worse it became. (the push till I say or did something to their liking)
As I tried to piece these events together, their meaning, why were they happening or what was I doing to invoke these situations. The only understanding I can make of it was......"Everything happens for a reason!" It was to be that simple.
Funny, how amidst sorrow or hardship comes messages, hope & a little clarity.
I was not able to fulfill that venture, this small but important piece of what I though would be hope. My streak of misfortune had continued and was unable to accomplish the task. This really had affected me deeply. First, it bothered me in terms of why am I having such adversity. Then with the actions that followed.......I didn't understand the reasoning. And yet the answer stared me right in my face.
I am a strong person, I've had to be. I have giving so much more of myself so many times more than I should have. But, see I understand "my why". That is, in fact, why I've tried so hard to in some form or another to consult, bury and confront what I like to call demons. (Humans are strange beings....and when someone with an ego who refuses to meet a least half way). Nothing can never get accomplished.
There this song that pretty much sums up those demons.
https://youtu.be/gpYnTUMF-co Good Enough ~ Jussie Smollet
It's a heartfelt song that's sad for me yet, it so much speak a huge amount of truth. Sometimes it's directed at the people who I care about most, who have miss the point of me, who choose to.......out of the 9 things that I do well choose the one thing lousy to tear me down. Sometimes I directed at God. Because when no-one else is listening, I know He have me. That it's in me to see all the angles not them. FAITH
I guess I need to vent feelings. I am human.
Maybe 1) Since I have to make a few changes. 2) I know that I am here for something good, I am here for a reason. Life will become uneasy when you are NOT in the place in your being! On the correct road to your destiny
There is so much good out here in this world. I know this, I can see this......and somehow (I) have create an environment where it is causing me unhappiness. And I don't do unhappy! (uncomfortable/uneasy???)
I know this will sound a little crazy, but life is not that complicated, we humans just make it that way. I'm a little weird like that. I don't mind busting my butt to have some of lifes material things.......yet over my life span material things have come and gone. What I can't handle is the comings and goings of HUMAN TRUST! And thats been the hardest thing to replace. (My demon)
This has been a consistent nightmare in my life......people leaving me that suppose to love me.....that is why even to this day the loved one that were once in my life, I still care for them deeply. There's a few who may think I don't, but I loved these people with my heart.
Yes, some of them have betrayed me. Some of them have disrespected me. But I am strange in this manner because when I said I love them or I love someone it was love that was honest & true. Just because they decided to whatever, see me differently, greed, selfishness or just stop loving me. Had nothing to do with my love for them!
Anyhow, changes have to be made. There is to much beauty, to many things to appreciate for me to be unhappy. Again, I don't, can't do that nor stress. It's time, I believe, for me to be a bit selfish. I hate to put it that way. It's really not in my God giving nature. But I am not guaranteed tomorrow. I refuse to succumb to the antics of others that do not believe in me.
Society can try to dictate my beaten heart & soul. But, until that day I am no more, no longer a physical being.......
.....I will live life, I will treat people as I would want to be treated. I will love ALL. Those who don't, can't love me or treat me the same. WELL IT's a BIG ASS WORLD out here with almost 8 billion people......I am smart enough & strong enough in that manner to know that someone out there will!
And that is where I'll be.......(2B continued)
"Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are."