Late night Musings and Life

I wanted to share a thought On facebook.
But I haven’t been inclined to share my thoughts or give life updates on social media this past month.

The few times I have felt very odd and I wanted to go delete the posts

This is a very different phenenon then say, 6 months ago. (or was it a year and a half..I dunno)

But I went through a phase when I was very very open.
I still am relatively open on instagram because i’m documenting my soul journey.
But on facebook...
I was so open on facebook because I was tired of secrets and pretending. Of not expressing.

But Being a very private person,
I was harming myself inadvertently.
I became attached to social media because I was posting such personal stuff..It was me...I was like, hey guys, here is me naked for all to see.
I wasn’t ready to be naked.
I wanted to share but then would freak out about tmi and wanna delete it.

So I created another facebook page.
But then I never really use it.
I wanted the personal/reaching out “hey anyone out there posts” to go on there.
But I can’t even get myself to do that with the “closer” friends.
I should have considered a group with a small group of friends instead of a new page with people I STIL lal don’t feel that comfortable being naked with even though I love them dearly.

Also,
Now that i’m cultivating deeper real life relationships,
that I don’t need to do the “alone and feeling down” posts.
I know I have the people who love me.
And even If I have a down day,
I’ve learned what is like to love myself through it
(Okay maybe that’s a defense mechanism for me so I don’t have to be vulnerable with some one, but damn. Cause we need relationships. And it’s hard as duck to pull yourself up, maybe takes longer and maybe doesn’t bring me as high up to do it alone...But at least I know I can get through it..)

But not feeling alone is ..Priceless.
But so Is feeling like we aren’t more open than we are ready to be.
I thought O was getting out of my comfort zone so It was “good for me”
But. wasn’t at the edge of my comfort, I was in the way out danger zone.
So I’m finding a happy medium, If I am to post.

Now I’m inclined to only post my thoughts on my second facebook page of only 300 people vs my over 3000 friends on the other.

Or do I just want to get them down and don’t reallt need the validation or anyone to read it?

Well, I forgot my password so here are my thoughts-

It’s 4:30 am.
I stayed up talking to cool people since 11.

Last night I stayed up til 5 AM working on my vision board.
the night before I stayed up til the wee hours watxhing inapiration videos

Yes this is good.
I’ve needed connection and inspiration.
But On monday I have to be up at 3AM to work a 12 hour work day!!!!!’😱

there fore, I have been making poor life decisions with my insane sleep habits.
Wtf
okay i’ll just sleep next week!