The Veterans Admin Abused Me for Far Too Long

One of my favorite quotes from Alex Jones is "Don't confuse kindness for weakness.". Well, I think the VA has confused my tolerance and kindness for weakness for far too long. Yesterday, I had a the worst PTSD attack I've ever experienced. And as I sit here writing this, I can still feel that thick clay-like slowness in my fore-brain, eyes, and face.

This is my new theme song for myself concerning how I feel about people who have taken advantage of my kindness and tolerance. The abuse I've taken from the VA ended yesterday after a meeting at the Escarosa Employment Office went south.

The abuse started shortly after I got out of the Marines in 1989. I had ripped a ligament in Recon School in Fort Story Virginia. And, although I got out with an Honorable Discharge, the damage to my left knee was later diagnosed and a rated service connected disability. And that rating came at my own expense by paying for my own operation with a sports physician. You see, the VA doctor who was supposed to diagnose me properly and have my knee repaired lied on my medical records and claimed I was faking the pain.

For 15 years I limped on my leg and suffered from pain. And looking back at it now, my PTSD related anger issues are directly connected to living in pain for 15 fucking years. Now add into that two specific instances of losing Marines whom I considered friends while I was in the Corps. Shake & stir, and what you have is a whopper of a PTSD condition.

Eventually I paid for my own operation because I knew the VA was lying and/or under reporting my condition. And when the VA got the report from my doctor, they immediately rated me at 10%. I've since convinced them that my chronic back pain was connected to the limp caused from my injured knee and I have had a 30% rating for some time now.

But, my PTSD meltdown yesterday, made me realize that I have had violent & destructive outbursts since I got out of the Marines. It's common to think that only war veterans are able to have PTSD. But, the Marine Corps is an admitted stress factory. And there is no telling what 4 years of it can do to specific people.

I am coming up on my 9 year anniversary of using Transcendental Meditation this September 9th. Everyone who has known me for a long time tells me how different I am now compared to the hair-trigger tempered asshole I used to be. Now, it takes a very special kind of dick-wad to trigger my PTSD. And the fact that someone was able to trigger my PTSD at all, means that I've always had it and that it's still with me.

What happened was that I recently graduated Full Sail University with a Bachelor of Science in Digital Cinematography. And upon the notice that I passed this degree program with a 3.57 GPA, my VA Voc Rehab representative reached out to me and arranged this meeting at the local employment office. Well, my appointment was for 1pm. And as I am a multi-tasker, I had places to be by 2:30pm. The office staff was completely incompetent. And the clock had reached 1:35pm, and it looked like I was no closer to getting to see the person I was supposed to meet that I was when I arrived.

So, I took out my cell phone and began a voice dictation eMail to the person I was supposed to meet with. In the eMail I told this person, if you make an appointment with me, you need to keep it. And it at least needs to be no more than 15 minutes after the actual time or it should be canceled. Also understand that every instructor I've ever had in film all say the same thing: "15 minutes early is on time.". So you can imagine how all that training was needling me like a splinter in my brain.

Tony Castelluci in action directing a narrative thesis film for Full Sail's Digital Cinematography Program

Well, that was all a man, who seemed to be in charge, at the Escarosa Employment Office named Eric could take. He walked up to me and asked if I would go into the hall and talk to him. This guy was about 6'3" and weighed about 350lbs. He hovered over my table like some douche bag bouncer at a nightclub who was mad at a guy for being a player. But when I refused and told him I was going to finish my eMail, he threatened to call the cops. I exhaled the way people do when their incredulity has reached it's limit.

He then claimed I had used a cuss word on him and he told me I had to leave immediately. He dug into this position like a blood sucking tick. And would not let me get a word in edgewise after his false accusation. Clearly, this asshat was full on authoritarian and was used to getting his way. Unfortunately for him, I had never turned off the voice dictation software I was "writing" the email with, and the 3rd paragraph of my eMail, recorded a mix of our interaction.

And, there is also no record on that eMail that the voice dictation software had picked up that I had cussed at all. There would have been a letter and then asterisks to represent a cuss word (such as S***.). Seemed as if these guy used this lie as a position of power. And well, I wanted to kill this fucking liar.

I was so angry and wigged out yesterday by this asshat lying to my face, God, and the world, that I contemplated killing him. Of course if I ever do go that far over to the darkside, I will remember to wear a mask and not take if off the way the young Michael Meyers did here in this scene from John Carpenter's Halloween.

I was so stressed out after I left, I went directly to the VA and sought out a mental heath professional. On the way there, the thick clay in the head feeling I had worsened. And I sank into a seep depression. Tears welled up in my eyes as the hard work I had put into re-engineering my life had seemed to come to a crashing halt. And this was all because of some lying piece of shit who was trying to intimidate me for whatever reason. My emotions wavered from murderous, to depressed, to hopeless in a manner of seconds. There wee so many tears in my eyes, I had to pull over as I had trouble seeing the road while I drove.

Well, the gloves are off now! Since I honestly felt like I wanted to kill this guy, and since I had had major blowouts with over 100 people and approximately 100 different jobs since I've left the corps, I am pushing for the VA to up my disability to include depression/PTSD. I do not want 100% like some people claim I should have. I only want enough to be able to pay for an apartment, food, and basic living. That will allow me keep my head above water while I build my cinematography & filmmaking business.

I also found a lawyer who handles discrimination cases. And it is clear by the actions of a guy blatantly lying that I cursed at him, and having a voice record of it that shows no cursing, there is no motivation he can account for to squirm out of this vector.

Here's my remapped 3D model of the Enterprise. I've changed the name to the USS Jones. And it's ID number is NCC 1776. This is the virtual warship I command and will take straight down the throats of corrupt mainstream media and the utterly disgusting Veterans Admin and Escarosa people who think they can push me around.

And, my suspicion about the entire experience were compounded yesterday by accident. As I cannot get into the specifics about this, I can say, that just by accident, evidence was dropped into my lap, that some people have actively attempted to impede my progress though this program. And guess why? It seems they do not like my support of #Trump, #AlexJones, and the entire #FirstAmendment independent media movement.

Resistance is not futile! The combined might of Citizen Journalists will crush the Borg-Like tech giant pigs into fucking oblivion! And on the way, I am going to pay the corrupt VA a visit and will bring a media storm upon them so complete it will change the face of how Disabled Veterans are treat forever!

So, what dropped on my lap, reeks of racketeering. And it seems this corruption has infested one of the most sacred institutions in our country, and that is the care and support of Disable Veterans.

Up until now, I have been tolerant. But, it's time to go into warrior mode. And if Alex Jones and Infowars.com scares them, these mother fuckers have not seen shit yet. I am Tony Castelluci: Filmmaker, Futurist, Writer, High IQ-mother fucker, and always a Devil Dog/Para-Frog!