Redacted Journal - August 15-21, 2019

(This has been edited and most names have been changed.)

Aug 15th, There was some noise from upstairs as I was getting to sleep around 11 pm. I woke up at around 2:40 am, then again at around 4:40 am, 5:40 am. and 6:40 am. There was some light banging as I started to drift off to sleep the last time. This follows the pattern of sleep I had last Monday. One bad consequence seemed to be that I did not speak as well. When I asked people for their recommendation, I didn't seem to know what to say at first and was awkward. I did my work well though. Today I go to the bike warehouse. I had looked up directions and departure time last night. It was a slightly new route... Maps was no longer open to my directions but I read a map on the wall of the metro station and remembered enough to get there. A boy asked for directions at a stop and I helped him out before my bus arrived. ... I saw Sean there as well, but I arrived before he did. Rachel wasn't there, but Tiffany set me up compacting bikes. Then Sean comes in and shows us how he does it. It seemed like he had some experience with that. Tiffany put on some music and asked me if I had a preference. Sean helped me out when I wasn't strong enough to break the rust. I heard the song "Nothing Feels Better than This." ... Sean complimented me, "Good job." He was heading out and I said bye. He looked shocked I talked to him, said I wouldn't see him next Thursday as he was travelling to Ottawa. Mathias said it was a good day. I asked Rachel about hours for next weekend and she will get back to me. Rachel asked me if I liked disassembling. I left with lots of grime, stopped at the library, and typed up my journal notes till mid 12th. I made supper and sent Madeline a response. I had asked for a letter of recommendation, but she said she could only give me the hours I worked. I just asked her why and got an automatic response saying she was out of the office but would answer on the 19th, which is also the next day I volunteer at the store...

Aug 16th, I woke up at around 11 pm, around 2:30 am, around 4:30 am, and the alarm of someone goes off a few minutes before 5 am. I got up around 8, and read some blogs which told me about events that I put in my calendar. One was free kayaking, one was free books, and one was a tiny house tour. ... I went to do laundry and someone put his laundry in while I was drying mine, then another man came in with his laundry, but despite there being 30 minutes left on the washing machine, he came in to wait with his laundry, and despite me reading intently, he kept asking me questions. "Where are you from? Have you been here long?" His name is Ramon. ... I asked him about parks. He said St. Bruno and some others and said he could drive me there. I declined. I kept trying to get back to reading, but he kept asking me questions. Also he said this was the suburbs which was boring, and asked if my town in Virginia was big. I said it wasn't but I had lived in a few cities. He asked me if I worked in a hospital because I was wearing scrubs. He asked me if he should take the other guy's clothes out. Right before the dryer stopped he asked me for my phone number. I said no thank you, and waited a very long minute for my clothes to finish. I said see you later. I did more research and watched a video I saw on my sister's page about motivation, and how if you think the universe is out to get you, you will feel helpless and unmotivated, but if you think it is in your locus of control you will try harder, and gave some tips on how to sleep. [I later heard a sound being made before I should wake up that could perhaps wake me up without me hearing it. That would explain why I woke repeatedly, even out of deep sleep, at exact times. It also means that I would have been trying in futility to look for a cause that was in the locus of my control. -3/16/20] I went to make supper. It was dark and I was preoccupied and ran into Jase a little. He asked if I was alright, gently held my elbow and looked into my face and asked again, as though he could sense. I assured him I was ok. He followed me into the kitchen and saw the plates full of food I had made, and oohed and aahed. Then as I walked away he shouted he was not even French and was going back to his country. "Ok, bon voyage." ...

Aug 17th, I was up at 12:10 am, around 1:30 am, 2:05 am, maybe another time, and 6:00 am. I went to the bathroom and discovered a napkin in the trash, went back to rest and heard a neighbor in the bathroom. Some noises from upstairs. One leaf I had placed to conceal a possible entry point for a camera fell from a circle plate on the ceiling. A few were loose on the fan. Based on the recording, there were two to three periods where there was banging. Before my alarm was set to go off at 7:40 am, I heard a high pitched mechanical buzz go off once, then a second or two later, then no more. I have frequently woken up right before my alarm clock has gone off and have not heard any noises to cause it. Perhaps it would have been a mistake to assume my waking up 3-4 times a night is due to my "locus of control." I took some pictures with my camera on my SD card, and shortly thereafter my camera said my SD card was full. I found something that looked like a video, deleted that, but after one more picture my camera said it was full again. It has 57 pictures on it. [This is the digital camera I had taken pictures of my evidence with and made those untraceable MicroSD cards that freaked Brian out so much. This is the first time I used it since crossing the border when the cops had access to the camera. It seemed to me it was hacked, and now I was taking pictures of my journal and it wasn't working when it should have had enough space. -3/24/21] I went to go kayaking for free. The man said I only get 30 minutes, and I wasn't sure how to measure that, so I told him I'd set a timer. I was a little flustered. Turns out the timer never started, but it was okay because I started back in time. There was some loud music about shaking your booty, and a woman yelling into a microphone exercise instructions on how to shake it. When I was at the bike warehouse, there was a music video playing with that and I looked at it disgustedly. Other than that kayaking went well. I went to Walmart, although while in the Longueuil bus station with full bars Google maps said it couldn't connect. It did earlier, but I just missed the first bus. So I read the map on the wall. ...

When I got back one leaf had fallen down from the ceiling fan. I took the bus to check my mail (nothing) and go shopping... When I checked out with a bunch of cans, a woman asked for my cart and I carried the heavy bags to the bus stop and got a ride back. On Facebook, my dad shared to my page a picture of a cool way to share a room, which showed one bed right over the other, and a verse about how trusting in God will let you sleep well. My sister posted a few other things besides the video about sleep. I took some screenshots.

I spent a long time cooking my food. Jase came in, saying "Best friend," and then left. He later came in and turned off the fan and stood there for a while. I didn't look at him and was listening to YouTube. The video automatically went to the next one, which was about why girls like jerks, then the next about why women prefer more aggressive men. Jase came in again and took a large knife from next to me and used it to try and open a bottle. I cut my hand with a knife, and as I was cleaning the wound Lucas came besides me and looked at my hand, asking if I was cooking for the whole week. [How did he know to look at the cut?] I didn't have time to clean. A song two people were singing to: "I was made for loving you baby you were made for loving me." [There were two different people at two different places in town singing this I believe. -3/24/21]

Aug 18th, I was awake at 3:42 am. As I was getting to sleep, there was a bang on the ceiling at 4:48 am, and another an hour later. My alarm went off at 7:40 am. I checked the internet, got ready wearing my nice white shirt, and went to a yard sale on my way to church. I saw Carl walking back on my street. [He stared at me stunned. -3/24/21] [This was an indication to me that Carl was an agent, which was later more confirmed. If he wanted to ogle me, it would require someone who knew what I had put on that day. And it was the sort of thing agents would want to enjoy for themselves. The agents, aka the people who are driven all day long to cause chaos and pain, are most likely themselves psychopaths, and therefore have ravenous sexual appetites. -3/16/20] … I usually look it up the night before. This time I didn't. There was a post on my dad's page saying beware false prophets. ... The preaching was done by a guest speaker. He taught from the scriptures about Apollos, who was great but had more to learn, and those gaps in his knowledge would hurt him more as his sphere of influence grew. He was missing the Holy Spirit and more knowledge of the Word. He said the essential messages of the Bible are clear, but more is harder to dig out, like parables. Jesus taught in parables to exclude some but also to let some in. Those who force their presuppositions on the Bible can get anything out of it. Those who want to try to see what it really says can come to understand it, with the help of the Holy Spirit, as they are ready. One must read in context, know the who/what/why, original language and culture, literary genre, etc. ... Proverbs is true as general statements, not absolutes. The historical documents show people doing both good and bad. Epistles aren't always speaking to you, etc. One must ask how to apply the scripture. But faith and the intellect are compatible. I caught a bus home, and made myself some tuna. I watched random things, then looked up clips from the movie Mean Girls and laughed. The last video ended on "peace in the girl kingdom had been restored, and if anyone tried to threaten it, we know how to deal with it." and it showed the popular girls getting hit by a bus. About 2 seconds after that there was a loud stomp on my ceiling. Then I decided to watch a movie. I had never seen "Good Night and Good Luck" which was about denouncing McCarthy's witch hunts. There was a very good quote: "No one familiar with the history of this country can deny that Congressional committees are useful. It is necessary to investigate before legislating, but the line between investigating and persecuting is a very fine one and the junior Senator from Wisconsin has stepped over it repeatedly. We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. We must always remember that accusation is not proof, and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law. We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason. If we dig deep in our history and doctrine and remember that we are not descended from fearful men, not from men who feared to write, to associate, to speak, and to defend the causes that were for the moment unpopular. This is no time for men who oppose Senator McCarthy's methods to keep silent, or for those who approve. We can deny our heritage and our history, but we cannot escape responsibility for the results. We proclaim ourselves, indeed as we are, the defenders of freedom wherever it continues to exist in the world. But we cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home." ...

Aug 19th, I played the song "You Already Know" before bed. The recorder was not running and the fan was on. I went to bed around 10 pm, woke up around 3:30 am, and heard some commotion above me a few seconds after. I also woke up around 5:40 am, which worked out because I had to leave early. ... As usual I rested on the trip. A man stared at me for like 15 seconds on the bus. The door was locked when I arrived, but Arthur opened it for me when he saw me at 8:15 am. He was polite and calm. I asked him what work there was and he walked around the floor and saw the same section I worked on before under the camera looked sloppy. He said he wasn't here last week. I did that for a while then left rearranging hardware so items were in categories that made sense. Saul passed me a few times commenting on this or that, and gave me some things for my section. I ate lunch after 1 pm. The boy who was in the break room left and Scott came in. He asked me if I was eating tuna. After a few minutes of quiet, I told Scott I thought it would be good to get people I worked with to write a sentence or two saying what I am like and if someone should hire me. He said I was a good worker. I asked him if he would put that in writing. He asked if I had talked to Arthur. I said yes. He asked what he said. I was about to answer when he told me I didn't need it. Tons of places were hiring, and suggested holding a flag and road construction as well as other jobs. [He may have been afraid I would repeat the excuse Arthur gave me. -3/24/21] He asked me how long I had been here, if I came alone, if I had a boyfriend or husband, and remarked how strong I must be. That last series of questions and reactions was like he was regurgitating prepared conversation. Scott also told me the store would be looking for people to hire later. And he asked me where I lived. He left and came back and sighed with a cuss, offering me a cake from the Dollarama and telling me how incredible it was. I asked him what it was called. He showed me the box but had trouble reading it. [So he isn't writing me a note, but is giving me something showing the reason probably isn't because he is angry with me. And he shows he doesn't read well, thus giving me a reason why he didn't. It seems like there are a lot of illiterate people here in Montreal Canada. -3/24/21] He told me he hates manufacturing, but is in sales. I asked Arthur what to do next, and he gave me some areas in the warehouse that needed sorting... I showed Arthur my sorting and he said about what I had asked, no promises, but he would ask the head office and see if he could write something to show my future employer. He also said he wouldn't be here next Monday. I go to the library and type notes through Aug 7. I came back to make supper.
Lucas comes in, shows me the definition of a blackbag operation, which means to steal or copy notes while someone is out of the office. He says he saw me one time running like a robber. I didn't know what he was referring to. He said he didn't want to ask me a lot of questions and make me uncomfortable. He said I was weird. I asked why. He seemed surprised that I asked and thought for a moment, saying it was like I was doing magic. I seemed distant, like I had a poker face. Then he said when he talks about this he gets confused and left. Then he came back and asked me where my family comes from. They have been in America for generations. I didn't know when they came over. I knew some slew of English, Irish, Scotch, Welsh, and I had some Native American. He said it didn't show. He said they didn't intermarry with the natives in North America, but I thought they did, and there was a name for it. He said maybe rape, but there wasn't a place for the mixed race. I told him the Irish were brought over as slaves and political prisoners. He thought they were only sold for 5 years because of the potato famine. I told him how the Irish and Black slaves in the Appalachian Mountains came up with their own music style, mixing their cultures. He said that explains the colors of the Jamaican flag, and went on to talk about the look of many different flags and their colors. He told me some of his ancestors brought over African slaves. I said the hymn Amazing Grace was written by someone who used to do that then became an abolitionist and converted. A guy came in to get his food and playfully coughed in Lucas's food, who joked he would have to boil it another ten minutes. He also said that was the reason he became paranoid in the first place. Because of viruses. Lucas told me about his relatives... but not like the Jews? ... He told me about the British coat of arms with the unicorn. He said Russians come from Slovaks which means slave. He said there were narwhals the Vikings killed and sold the horns from, making up stories about its magical powers, and swindling them. ... He said the Slovaks were fools who would be suckered into anything, but Vikings who could travel were smart. Lucas said he wondered if he would regret knowing me in 2 months time. That that was the way this place was. He wondered if he was bothering me, if I secretly wanted to leave the conversation. He said he didn't have good social skills. I said that was a typical introvert fear, how to end conversations. But I didn't mind being awkward and leaving, even though I am an introvert. I pointed out I could have left when I was done cooking my food, but I stayed because I was listening to his storytelling. He then awkwardly took his food and left. Jase was in the kitchen by now being quiet. I went to my room and tried to prop my door open, but the block wasn't cooperating, so I ran into my neighbor and we said Bonjour.

Aug 20th, I went to bed last night around 10 pm, woke up around 2, and a few minutes before 6. I got up at around 7:20 am. I read the news, including a story of Hong Kong police torturing a guy in the hospital. I transferred another $x, and noticed a huge list of numbers appearing as options where my username would be. I sent a message to my bank to ask about that.

I called the IRCC and they said the Work Permit was never sent back to them, so they are issuing me a reprint. I replied to Madeline, asking for my hours. She said it was against their policy to provide character references despite what Charlotte said and the volunteer position Madeline was offering that offered a letter of recommendation. I studied French: duolingo and assimil, purchased a first aid program, scheduled a museum visit, finished my ethics book, and went to make popcorn. Carl was in the kitchen, asked how I was, and said it was a nice day. He seemed a bit excited and on edge. "Popcorn time!" he loudly exclaimed as he left the kitchen. [He seemed to have a lot of positive energy to direct towards me, like he was trying to be friendlier with me, but a bit overwhelmed by his excitement. It seemed he had a very strong reaction to seeing me in a nice shirt. -3/16/20] … I sent myself my research documents on my other email account. Torguard was off when I sent the documents. I heard Jase laughing and stomping loudly for a while. ...

Aug 21st, I once again had the fan on and recording off and slept till about 4:30 am when there was noise upstairs. I woke up again around 7 am and got up at 8. I made breakfast. Damen was cooking there, played some music and sang a little. ... Google maps wouldn't connect nor would it load on Firefox. ... In the kitchen was a man speaking French on the phone for a while. I looked through Google Drive and Mega and got some more material for the journal. Then I took the bus to BAnQ. I finished compiling my first research document, or first draft. As I left I was approached by a Chinese man who wore an oversized suit jacket, and said he liked to make new friends. I told him I spoke English but he continued in French for a moment. He gave me his card with his contact information, which says engineer volunteer. He asked if I was going for a walk, and said he could show me around Chinatown some time. He asked if I spoke Russian. I went back home. I got an email from Madeline asking if I could volunteer next Monday when I am scheduled to work at the other store, and a notification from Duolingo that I fell to #46.