"Festive dad": the disastrous model of an incomplete family.

in important •  15 days ago 

In this article you will learn:
What image is formed around the “coming” father;
How the format of single-parent families is reflected in the future of children;
What to consider when creating a family.

Traditionally, the Slavic family was patriarchal. The man is the head, and the woman is the neck. Now women have become more active in both production and public life. Often they earn more than men. But household chores at the same time remained largely on the female shoulders. A man who has ceased to be the main earner, loses a decisive voice in the family.

This situation cannot suit anyone. Women carry a double-triple burden of work and responsibility. And men do not want to lose their leadership. It is impossible to live in the old way, but have not yet learned in a new way.

It becomes clear tension in family relationships. I think no one will argue with the fact that the institution of the family is in crisis today. Many women do not dare or cannot start a family. There are a lot of single-parent families where children grow up without a father. But having learned the parental model of the family, whatever it may be, we strive for it. And even if we criticize at a conscious level, we unconsciously act according to its rules. We are trying to adjust life in our own family to the parental model. But living conditions have changed.

I have been working with preschool children for more than 30 years. Often, former pupils already bring their children to kindergarten. Therefore, I have the opportunity to trace how the relations of parents affect their children and which influence families of a new generation.

Family model is always reflected
The absence of a father in the family has a lasting impact on children. For example, the father occasionally appears for a short time or communicates with the child outside the family. This is a festive dad option. The kid perceives it exclusively as a source of wealth and entertainment. The father allows you to do what the child is not allowed in everyday life. How often after such weekends the child hardly returns to normal life. Nervous, crying, angry at her mother, whose functions are much more prosaic and less pleasant. She must grow, not just entertain.

Daughter and son of the “festive dad”
How can such a family scenario influence the formation of personal relationships of children raised in it? The daughter will learn that the man in the family is only for pleasure, holidays and gifts. That is what she will expect from her chosen one. In ordinary life, she most likely relies solely on herself, as her mother did.

If she marries a man who is completely engaged in a career and does not bother with household chores, it is possible that they will be able to build a harmonious family. Because the husband will logically fit into her usual way of life: on weekdays he is practically absent, does not interfere in family affairs, she solves all problems individually. The husband only occasionally provides holidays.

And if her chosen one would be a boy who grew up in a family where the father had the last word and mother only had a place near the stove and cradle? Or if it wasn’t generally accepted in their family to give gifts, arrange holidays, or go on vacation? It will not be easy for a young woman to come to terms with the new way. And she will try to recreate the model of relationships she learned from childhood.

And how can a boy grow up at a holiday father? Most likely, living his own life, egocentric, not used to coordinate desires and plans with the needs of other people. Perhaps he will be deeply convinced that his only duty is to provide for his family, and everything else will be considered his wife's duty.

Family Model Conflict
Another option is the average family, in which mother and father work, raise children and take part in the affairs of the family in approximately the same way. The formation of their children will be affected by the ways in which parents interact with each other and how they can solve problem situations.

If mom is a leader, and dad trusts her or is simply passive, it may be difficult for their son in adulthood to take responsibility and make decisions. And if his wife is from a family, where everything was decided by his father?

If the son himself is inclined to leadership, he will learn his mother’s way of self-realization and can become a tough dictator.
The daughter of a domineering mother will either grow up to become a too independent woman, who will find it difficult to coordinate her decisions with other people, or, conversely, passive and infantile.

If parents resolve issues through conflict and confrontation, their children will also be prone to struggle. For them, insisting on their point of view in a dispute is the best way to resolve it. Children of such parents usually find it difficult to compromise in a relationship.

Mirrors and projections
There are as many options for family relationships as there are families. Given the typical nature of various models, their combination in real life will be unique. Parental family, of course, is the foundation of a person’s personal relationship. But not the only factor influencing beliefs.

Now many people, especially young people, pay much attention to self-improvement, have become more literate in psychological terms. They are trying to build relationships based on partnership positions.

I think that in order to achieve harmony in personal life, there are three things to remember:

In our own family, always, as in a mirror, the parental family is reflected. Therefore, before marriage, it would be good to learn as much as possible about the family of the chosen one. To understand what you have to meet, and what the partner expects from you;
Given the luggage brought from childhood, we must learn to negotiate with loved ones. Do not try to correct their behavior, but understand that if two met in this life, then this is necessary for the improvement and development of their personalities;
Our personal relationships in the future will affect our children. Try to predict how relationships will develop in their families.

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