I need to recharge!

I've been feeling overwhelmed lately. So much to do, and so little time. But, it gets worse.

I do have a lot to do. But I am not using my time wisely. I am unfocused. I feel drained of energy.

Everywhere I turn, unfinished work taunts me. It's hard to even start something when things get this disordered.

Dinner? Better clear the table first. Oh, but there's unpaid bills on the table. Can't pay those till I get paid tomorrow...

I used to be more focused and disciplined. In the midst of that messy table sits my planner, still not filled out for July. I've been avoiding it.

My Power Spot

During last week's photo scavenger hunt, the fact that I could not identify a power spot in my daily life nagged at me. The closest I could name was my dojo. Definitely a place of power where I go to regenerate, the dojo is 40 miles away. I need a way to power up and focus daily.

I used to power up here:

I also had a spot here:

I fell out of the habit, and my recharge stations fell into disrepair.

Why Did I Lose My Way?

Entropy is powerful, too. Things fall apart. But what nagged at me, as I considered my power spot problem, is that I've never established a reliable habit of powering up at home. I disciplined myself to meditate on the front porch or to exercise on the back porch for a time, but neither habit was self-sustaining. It was one more on a long list of things to do, and eventually dropped.

Something was missing from my power up routine.

What Makes A Power Spot Work?

I had to free up my thinking. The activities that always recharge me include:

Gardening
Surfing and skateboarding
Aikido
Walking in natural landscapes

What do these have in common?

Open space, preferrably outdoors
Quiet and solitude (but can be shared)
A sense of awe, mastery, or both
Physical exercise
I feel free

Hm, the last one surprised me, I just threw that in there. No wonder I have trouble sticking with meditation. I need to move, and I need to feel free. I also had trouble sticking with exercise on the back porch. Too confined. Also, though I prefer to power up alone, it doesn't work if my power up routine requires solitude. I'm a Mom. If my power up routine can't be shared comfortably, it will never stick.

Mission: Create My Power Spot

I'm going to need a power up routine.

There are powerful places in the world, but these are not the answer to my problem. I've got to rediscover the energy that transforms the mundane into a place where I can feel awe.

A place where I can create.

I start with a skateboard ride around the block. My son discovers a slug. I discover some flowers.

We get back, drink some water, and I am ready to focus. I'd like to get the back porch clean. I can hear the voice of Dr. Jordan Peterson in my head, saying You have a back porch. 99% of people throughout history did not have a back porch, but you do. That's a good reason to keep it clean, to make it work for you. In his lecture, he said "room" and not "back porch", but it's the same idea.

I realize I am pacing the kitchen, and haven't gotten started. The back porch is too big. I need a smaller job give me a sense of accomplishment. I start on the front porch.

Mastery and Purpose

If you're gonna do something, do it right.
Sometimes I conflate this with If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, leaving me with the very unhelpful If you can't do something right, don't do anything at all.

I'm now thinking none of these phrases are helpful anyway, and I should throw them all out. But this is my pattern, and this is why my "smaller job" got bigger...

After sweeping, removing the screen window, washing the window, and scrubbing the porch and entryway, I had finally started to oil the bench. That's when Nana (my mother-in-law) called from the nursing home. She was in pain and frustrated and wanted some company. Change of plans. Real life.

I did a quick job of oiling instead of a thorough one, and noticed that the bench was in better shape than I'd thought. Under a layer of dust, it was still evident that I'd oiled it well last fall. I was reminded of a reflection I'd written last year, about cobwebs. I'll find it and share it here soon.

Before

After

It has room for improvement, but I reclaimed a power spot and my sense of mastery and purpose. Had to go help Nana before I could use it. (Nana is ok, by the way.)

Capacity and Awe

We return from Nana's 2 1/2 hours later. I need a shower and a nap. I wake refreshed, but frustrated. It's nearly dinnertime, and I don't feel like cooking. I definitely can't get the back porch done today. I can't seem to focus on writing or starting on my planner. I make some tea and head to the front porch swing.

I notice the bench feels smooth and buttery; a little oil has gone a long way. I feel glad.

I still don't get into my planner, but I do get the energy to start dinner. Beans and rice with chicken and corn. My family is actually grateful for the frugal meal.

After dinner, I encourage my son to go play on his swingset and I do a bit of work on the back porch. Nothing to show yet, just cleared a few items out. And I get an unexpected reward...

Some wild grapes are ripening early!

I Have The Power

This is not the kind of "Power Spot" that is universally inspiring. I'm not even sure it is all that powerful. However, as I said to @apolymask yesterday, this is something I need to do.

I can feel a shift. Today I faced that feeling of frustration and overwhelm twice, took action, and reclaimed my focus. I cleaned my front porch, helped Nana, and made a frugal dinner. I wrote this post, and called it quits early enough that I can get a good night's sleep. The power to do better tomorrow is in me, and I need to nurture it.

Guess What? My Husband Just Folded The Laundry. Score!

Goodnight!