Dancing with the Devil
by Gabriel Dardashti 03.03.2014
We clearly understand that it is terrible for us; there is no question about that. We understand that if we mess around with it, we have initiated our very own demise. Anyone who has ever gotten caught up with the possessive power of addiction, will tell you how destructive it has been in their lives. There are only a select few such as myself, who have dared to challenge this epitome of evil thru experimentation, without allowing its possessive powers to continue to take over our very persona.
Why is this so? What is it about heroin, which allows the drug to have such demonic power over its victims? It is understated to assert the common assumption, that heroin and other dangerous narcotics are “bad, but ok”. That assumes these drugs are nothing but trouble, but socially tolerated…and only the completely insane would allow themselves to fall under the drugs addictive influence.
This is not the case. In fact, the initial benefit from the onset of heroin experimentation, is comparable to selling one’s soul to the devil. Initially, the positive benefits astronomically outweigh the negative outcome. Only later does the inverse take effect. I therefore, would like to redefine the following incorrect assertion that ‘heroin is bad’ to a stronger profound assertion stating “heroin is devious and deceptive”.
Diamorphine has been coined its more commonly known name, Heroin. It initially gives its users the feeling of being accompanied by a “female savior”. This is comparable to the feeling one gets when blinded by love. This only BEGINS as love and later transforms into hate. It is similar to the infatuation with a significant other who seems wonderful at first, and later drains you of your life.
The stages of heroin are best understood through my analogy, which can be broken down into five simple stages. I title these Love, Lust, Conflict, Struggle, and Hate.
It starts with the LOVE stage, comparable to a relationship that is motivated by nothing but pure emotional romance. The positive effects of the heroin greatly outweigh the negative effects by a ratio of 100% positive with 0% negative. In this stage of the cycle, the drug is nothing more than rainbows and butterflies. Every pain physical and emotional, is suddenly eliminated. It is as if a guardian angel is presenting you with the most comfortable state of wellbeing. It is as though it is whispering and promising in your ear, “work if you must, but it’s okay if you wish to relax…”, “eat if you wish but it’s okay if you don’t”… Essentially, it gives you a sense of comfort and acceptance of anything you desire to do. Most importantly it is deceptively convincing you it helps the emotional struggles such as anger, anxiety, depression, fear, insecurity…
I would like to explain what the drug does to emotions in Love, based on my personal experience. It felt as though my Anger, which had felt like a fiery inferno, had suddenly manifested itself into a ‘beautiful red ruby’. My Anxiety, which had felt like an uncontrollable typhoon, had suddenly transformed itself into a ‘valuable blue sapphire’. Most important of all, was how my Depression which had felt like a world left in ruins, had now become the ‘diamond ring’ I would hand to the woman of my dreams…
The following stage I call LUST.
The original love for the drug is slowly, but surely, beginning to fade. During this phase the positive effects are still outweighing the negative, however the ratio is changing. The Positive effects are now 75%, while the Negative effects have increased to 25%. It is during this phase that the user is not entirely using the drug because they want to. The brain is basically telling the user that it ‘needs’ the drug… This phenomenon occurs in conjunction with the original positive effects that the user seeks out. This is comparable to a relationship that had initially been motivated by pure emotional love and has shifted and is tainted by sexual desire. This gets progressively worse through the stages to follow.
The stage of Conflict is quite possibly the worst in terms of addictive complexities.
It is during this stage where the physical addiction escalates. The effects ratio has now equivalent to Positive 50% and Negative 50%. In the absence of using the drug, the negative effects involve what is known as ‘the horror of dope sickness’. The best way to describe this horrible feeling is to imagine having every sickness and physical pain you have ever had, all at the same time. All the flu symptoms, stomach virus, terrible fever, pain traveling through your entire body, and worst of all, the inability to sleep through it. The user must now take twice as much, in order to achieve the same feelings of euphoria obtained initially. This is comparable to a relationship that has lost all of its love and is now driven by physical desire and unsatisfying sex.
Next comes the stage of Struggle.
The negative effects of the drug use have begun to outweigh the positive. The ratio is now Positive 25% and the Negative 75%. The user is mostly using the drug for the purpose of avoiding the symptoms of withdrawal and the euphoria may not be even half as good as during the Love stage. This stage is comparable to a relationship involving two people who hate one another and no longer desire sexual intimacy. The relationship continues to deteriorate…
The final stage is the stage of Hate.
There are no longer any positive effects. The negative effect of using is 100% and the only reason the user continues to use the drug, is to avoid the hell they would feel during withdrawal. This is comparable to a relationship that involves nothing but hate and the absence of both love and sex.
This leads to the following question. How does the user now free themselves from this position of drug use, without having to suffer?
The user is now fully involved in Dancing with the devil…