The Car Conversation

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“Driver! Driver! We are not in a hurry. Slow down abeg. An agitated woman bellowed from the back seat of the car as it sped along the Lagos-Ibadan express road.

“Woman, what is your problem? Is he going too fast like this? Can you see other vehicles that are overtaking us?” An elderly man perched in the passenger’s seat beside the driver retorted.

“Oga, I was not talking to you. This is the problem of Nigerians. They don’t mind their own business.” The other passengers rolled with laughter. Seeing that she had everyone’s attention, she went in for the kill. “Yes na. Some people go just day chook their mouth for wetin no concern them. Because they sidon for front, they think say they don make am for life.”

“Madam, listen to yourself. It is people like you that are the real problems of Nigeria. Are we not all in the same car? Stop exhibiting your ignorance. If everyone remains like you, who will fix the problem of Nigeria?” The man in the front snorted when he finished.

“Haba! No be fight na.” A National Youth Service Corps Member, sitting in the back with the woman tried to speak calmness into the situation. “What our mother here is trying to say…”

“She is not my mother. You don’t know how old I am.” The elderly man countered.

“I know.” The corps member tried again. “What I was trying to say was that she is like a mother..”

“I said she is not my mother! Are you deaf? Do you know how old I am?”

“What’s your problem self? Even if you are 80 years old, so what? The useless old man we elected to be president, what has he done?” A young lady in the car spoke up.

“Speak for yourself, young lady. I didn’t vote for anybody. If it were not for the corruption that has swallowed Nigeria whole, you think that man will be seated there?”

“Look at this man o. You sit there smugly and claim corruption is Nigeria’s problem when you don’t even vote.” The corps member chipped in, eager to get back at the elderly man. “Corruption is a problem in Nigeria, I agree. But people like you who choose to do nothing about it are also a part of the problem.”

“Apathy!”

“You said what?” The corps member turned to the girl.

“I said apathy. The I-don’t-care attitude.”

“Oh! I-don’t-care attitude ehn?” The elderly man started. He turned to the corps member. “You! Where are you serving?”

“Lagos!”

“What you are doing for the country, do you think you’ll be properly compensated?”

“I don’t care about that sir. I am working for my country.”

“Look at your mouth. When you have children to feed, come back and give me a reply. You, little girl, I know your type. Look at your iPhone. You come from a well-to-do family so you know nothing about the average man. I was once a civil servant. Like you…” turning to the corps member, “I was dedicated to serving my country. What did I discover? Everyone is out for their selfish interest. My supervisor comes to the office once a week, only on Tuesdays. Do you know why he comes on Tuesdays? Because that’s when they hold inspections. Other members resumed any time they like. As long as you sign your name at the register every morning, you are assured of a salary. At the end of the day, no one gets the salaries for months. And when they eventually pay, it’s a half month salary’s worth. And you expect me to care.”

“And you were the perfect one!” the elderly woman snorted. “I know your type. All you do is complain. Did you try to do anything about the situation?”

“Do what? I was just a grade 8 civil servant. I…”

“Grade 8?” The corps member asked, surprised.

“Yes. Why?”

“My father is a grade 4 civil servant and he is still in service. You earned almost three times what he earns and yet you did nothing.”

“I am very sure your father has another business he is into or else he would have quitted by now. Am I lying?”

The corps member was mute.

“Now, what do you suggest? That I sign the attendance register in the morning and then leave to attend to my personal business, only to complain that salaries are not being paid. No. I rather quit and focus on my business. It’s the same thing with voting. Most of the people who vote, vote based on familiarity or the few thousand naira notes shared at the polling centre. The alternative is to vote for your candidate but you know he won’t win so why bother to vote?”

“So you are justifying your apathy?” The young lady asked.

“I’m not justifying it. I am simply saying I have a family to feed. Whenever Nigeria is ready to become a great nation, I will be available to serve. Until then, let them enjoy their corruption.”

“As I was saying” the elderly woman chipped in before she lost the floor again. “Nigeria's problem is corruption. But that corruption will continue to grow if no one does anything about it. When the good people decide to take their hands off the country, they are automatically handing it over to the bad people.”

“Gbam!” the young lady exclaimed.

“You! What do you know?” the elderly man asked the young lady.

“Hey, don’t talk to her like that?” the corps member protested.

“Young man, I was not talking to you.”

“Leave him. I can answer myself.” The young lady looked at the corps remember with gratitude in her eyes. She then turned to the elderly man. “Let me tell you what I know. I used to hawk bread in Lagos. Yes, this small head used to carry a wooden flat board laden with bread and scour the streets of Lagos looking for customers. As for the iPhone, thank God for Steemit. I met someone there who gave me this phone when he saw the patch patch phone I was using.”

“Wetin be Steemit?” the corps member asked.

“I’ll tell you later sweetheart. don’t just forget to ask for my number.”

They stopped by a police checkpoint. The driver told the policeman on duty that he didn't have spare change. The policeman replied that he had enough change for whatever denomination the driver was holding. They make a quick exchange, the driver producing a thousand naira note and the policeman giving him nine hundred naira note in fifty naira denomination.

“All of una wey day argue, why una no talk when the olopa ask me for money?” The driver asked in pidgin English as they resumed the journey. Seeing as everyone was quiet, he continued. “Niaja problem na all of una who sabi wetin day happen but no one do anything about am. Na only talk una day talk. Every time way I carry passenger, na so so arguments they day argue. You way be say you be civil servant, say you don follow your colleagues them talk about wetin they day do? You way be corps member way day serve for lagos, wetin you day do for bus way day go ibadan? Omoge, I see you. Na here all of us day when you tell your papa say you day Abuja. Madam, when you day pray as we start this Waka, you pray for naija? All of una go day talk whereas una own plenty pass naija own self. If una wey sabi book no fight for us, wetin common man like me go do? This naija, na all of us get am. No be to day argue every time. If everybody do their own part, naija no go better? Abeg, I no won hear talk again for this matter.”