All Puns Intended #feedme

Enjoy this selection of puns

Puns: a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings.

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No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger wood!

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the grass.’

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was Type O.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

I went to a seafood disco last week ... and pulled a mussel.

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