Beauty Over Brains? That’s a No-Brainer!

No, really. How is this an argument? It’s not even possible to be smart and beautiful so you have to choose one or the other when looking for a partner. Trust me when I say that my answer is definitely a deeply philosophical viewpoint. But you’d have to be pretty stupid to not go with beauty. And that’s totally not shallow. Who wants to fornicate with a geek anyway?

Science has proven that only the most beautiful of any species in the animal kingdom is able to reproduce. And that’s because all of the beautiful animals agree on what is objectively physically attractive. Animals don’t procreate with unattractive animals. There was a study on this. It was comprehensive. Beauty prevails. Always.

Remember the saying, “Love at first intellectual conversation?” Yeah. Neither do I. It’s called “love at first sight” for a reason. So there’s that too. Face it, geeks. You just aren’t hot to the opposite sex. You’re the anti-hot. You might be smart, but smart isn’t sexy. Because science. And you know who does science? Unattractive people. They do science so that beautiful people can spend their time wearing gorgeous clothing, traveling the world, and having sex with each other’s super-hot bodies.

Have you ever seen a picture of Albert Einstein? Gross! What woman would sleep with him? Or how about Barbara McClintock? No thanks, ma’am! What have they ever done to move the human species forward? Right. Pretty much nothing at all.

Beautiful women are way better than not beautiful women. Am I right, guys? And gorgeous men are so much better than not gorgeous men. Am I right, ladies? You can’t argue with logic, which is for nerds. But it can be used here to support my conclusions about beauty being better than brains.

Nobody wants to be Jonah Hill or wants to date him. Everybody wants to be Blake Lively or wants to date her. That’s not even up for debate. You’d have to be pretty dumb to disagree. But that would be impossible because in order to be stupid, you’d have to be really attractive. And you can’t be stupid and unattractive. Because of nerdy science and philosophy stuff that someone as attractive as me can’t even understand.

These sciences and philosophies are why we starve ourselves, tan at the beach, and put on fancy clothes to go get drunk. They are why we shouldn’t read books, explore new stuff, and debate things. What a waste of time! Can you think of anything more unstimulating than talking about math, politics, or Victor Hugo? Snooze alert! Save that for your cryptocurrency internet forums, Poindexter!

Face it. We all prefer pretty over smart. Just look at this list of names.

Chris Hemsworth
Amber Heard
Ryan Reynolds
Liza Soberano
Luke Evans
Jennifer Aniston

All beautiful, right? Of course. And who doesn’t want their looks? Nobody. Case closed. Only zombies want brains! And zombies are ugly! Beautiful people aren’t zombies and they don’t have sex with them either!

Beauty wins!

SGL

All images attribution-free from Pixabay.com

*This is a parody. See the original post here.