[HUMOR] I think I may have broken the secret man code of communication!

merej99 (70)in #humor • 8 years ago

I can't even believe that I'm sharing this but I may have inadvertently decrypted the man code of communication.

Let me preface this by stating that I do not know if it works with all men, but it certainly worked with my husband.
You see, coupled with feeling a little under the weather and probably something I ate last night, let's just say that my intestines were in kind of auto-flush mode.

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This morning, as I enjoyed a cigarette with my first cup of coffee, I have a normal routine of taking the dogs outside with me.
Husband happened to have a day off - and thank goodness he was here!
You see, since I work from home, I take care of the pups and they listen very well to me (for the most part). For him? Not so much.

As I sat on my front stoop, I realized very quickly that I would not be able to finish my cuppa or cigarette because...
Well, as my husband loves to say, "That's not a fart."

Finding myself in quite the quandary, I managed to call the pups in. Miranda, my older rescue was on pointe and entered the house for the "IN" command.
The puppy, my dummy dog, had decided she wasn't ready to come in... and I had to GO.

Auto flush was about to happen and there I stood with the door wide open, letting the cool air conditioning out, and begging the dog to get inside.
(We don't have a fence around our yard, so they're not allowed to be outside unattended or I would have abandoned her forthwith.)

Husband was just standing there!

"Husband, you have to get her."

Reacting normally, he took a casual sip of soda and whined, "She never listens to me."

There must have been something about the murderous look I gave him...or maybe the tone of my voice.

Get the damned dog before I shit myself.

And with that, my husband was out the door with a muttered, "Yes, ma'am. Git 'er done."

As I sat on the porcelain throne hating my life, I began to laugh at how ridiculous and effective that phrase was.
I'm fairly certain my husband thinks I've lost my mind as I waffled between laughter and guts-on-fire moans of ass pain.

Firstly, my husband and I have little to no secrets and we can talk about - um - everything, apparently.

Secondly, this is not a phrase that has ever escaped my lips - even if I may have thought it a time or two.

The amusement at my own expense was compounded by the fact that I'd never seen my husband react so quickly to anything I've ever said.

Poo. NOW. << He got that immediately.

There was no joking. No teasing. He gave me a wide berth to the bathroom and let me be.

Then it occurred to me that the language of man may, in fact, be directly associated to the timing and urgency of one's bowel movements.

Ladies, the next time your man says, "I'll get to it," when you ask him to take out the trash or fix the leaky faucent, consider that he's really planning his day. It's the only reasonable excuse I can come up with when they're drinking beer and watching sports.

Seriously! I think I'm on to something here.