How to avoid a shark attack in South Africa
RULE 1
AVOID THE SEA!
Approximately 100% of shark attacks in South Africa occur in the ocean. If you are not sure that the place you are swimming in is, then do the following tests:
Test 1:
Check if the water mass is larger than the average Olympic swimming-pool.
Test 2:
Taste the water, does it taste salty?
Test 3:
Is there large reoccurring waves?
If your answer to all three of the above test questions were "YES" then you are at the sea!
Rule 2
If you have to avoid rule # 1
And you do swim in the South African ocean, make sure you look for a group of slow weak swimmers. They do not have to be the slowest or the weakest swimmers. They just have to be slower and weaker swimmers than you!
Rule 3
In case you did not adhere to the first two rules, make sure to take a weapon suck as a knife, letter opener, ice pic or any other sharp object capable of inflicting a serious stab wound!
Right now you are probably thinking:
"How the heck will I be able to defend myself against a shark attack with a knife?"
The answer is;
you probably won't be able to!
but
That's not what the knife is for!
USE KNIFE AS FOLLOWS;
When you see a shark take out the knife and grip it tightly in your hand.
Then turn to the person closest to you, stab them then swim away from the wounded as fast as possible! - this will divert the sharks attention and create a definite target for him, giving you time to swim to the safety of shore!
In the event that you do get attacked by a shark, PLEASE NOTE!
- You should have followed the rules!
- Don't scream and yell! This will not deter the shark and makes it more traumatic for the onlooking holiday goers.
Happy Holidays.
Image credit: www.pixabay.com
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Thank you for the information!
LOL. Merry Christmas from Vancouver Island! (Ho ho ho)
And a very merry Christmas to you and yours! May it be filled with all types of wondrous magic and blessed surprises that surpasses your wildest dreams!
Liked your humor sense!! ;)
It pleases me to hear that! Thank you
You're welcome! :)
Rule 2 is well proven. An experienced tourist (e.g. live) can confirm that you need not run quicker than tiger, running quicker than the other guy is enough.
Merry Christmas.
Haha yup
Staying out of the water is a great tip. I'll try to remember that. :)
And don't forget the knife!
:D
Right! How could I forget the knife? :)
Pro strat, 10/10, very helpful LOL
I audibly snorted at that first line LOL
"Approximately 100% of shark attacks in South Africa occur in the ocean." I had to read the whole thing after that XD
Thank you so much for reading! Glad I could raise you Endorphin levels!!
Hahaha endorphin levels indeed! X)
Funny thanks!
@kus-knee (The Old Dog)