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RE: Battling The Darkness For No Answers...
Some folks have no clue how attached we get to our critters. You've lived through a horrible thing, over an over again. That fear will probably never leave you completely. All we can do is move forward. Much love, light and hugs to you.
I was just telling Ryan last night that that is the worst part of it all. It kept happening over and over and over again! And over a very prolonged period of time! I seriously am traumatized from it! I still tense up every morning walking into the barn to check if everyone is okay. It' no longer just a happy good morning but its, did that goat move? or is it sleeping or dead? is that diarhea on tail or just hay? why didn't that one run up to door faster? seriously...
I remember Dad talking about soldiers being "shell shocked". You lived through the perfect storm, the likes that probably won't happen again in your life time. Wasn't it some bizarre weather patterns that caused an unseen mold that poisoned the goats? I swear I remember reading that somewhere. No matter the cause. I am so sorry you are living in fear, when your goal was peace out on the homestead.
Yes, mold is our biggest suspicion and makes the most sense. I just wish it was detectable in the necropsy so I could really put it to rest.