An Important Thanksgiving Day News Flash

“RADIO X NEWS FLASH”

BY: RYAN LIPINSKI AKA FixedByDoc

This just in, turkeys around the world unite taking up arms and holding key politicians at gun point. They say they demand a pardon. If we do not meet their demands they intend on stuffing an eating the head leaders all around the world. Turkeys everywhere are jumping off peoples tables and running free with all kinds of homemade and store bought weapons.

We are not sure how they got these weapons; however, this man has an idea,

“Well you see it’s like this, all these small towns have combined their grocery stores with their hardware shops and everyone knows that you go to your local hardware shop to get your gear for hunting. Well at least in small towns anyhow. So that how they got them there weapons.”

Yes I see. But, how did they get them into the White House?

“They simply stuffed them in where we normally would put the stuffing see.”

Interesting, they have used our own technique of cooking them to take over the dinner tables. Well this Thanksgiving Day will certainly go down in the history books.

We take you to the White House where the head of this turkey militia makes his first public announcement…

“Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble.”

For those of you who don’t speak Turkish Gobble here is a brief translation of what Mr. Gobbler had to say…

“Today is our independence day, we shall not go down without a fight, we shall not surrender, and we will stand and fight to the death. After all if we shall lose this fight it will mean are deaths anyway. So I leave you with this one thought, do you wish to live? If so then let my turkey brethren go.”

We’ll be right back after these short messages from our sponsors… (blah, blah, blah)

We have just heard from one of the White House representatives that president Trump is in the oval office alone with Mr. Gobbler. They apparently seem to be discussing America’s view on terrorism and violence…

(bang, bang)

My gosh, President Trump has just been plucked, prepped and seasoned. Mr. Gobbler has bent him over and stuffed him and is now proceeding to broil him in the White House master oven.

Mr. Gobbler:

“We are not terrorists; nor, are we any longer a meal to be had without a fight. I call upon all turkeys to stand and revolt. We must fight for our freedom.”

It appears that we are now in the midst of a new civil war. One unlike any we have ever seen before.

Will we survive?
What will come of our country?
What will become of the world?
Is it possible for man and turkey to live in peace and harmony?

The answer to these questions and more after these short few messages from our sponsors…

TO BE CONTINUED
MORE TO COME…