I feel you. Been there. Spent 15 years trying to dig my way out until one day something clicked. I honestly don't know what. I feel like I am more self aware than I used to be, so maybe I've learned how to manage it, but at the same time, maybe I just got lucky. Like maybe becoming a mom jarred my hormones and fixed that part of my brain? Who really knows? Anyway, I still battle bad days here and there, but not like before. I write this to give you hope because, I had none for so long. I've read how you help others on the discord chat. I respect that. And I believe that the more good we do, the more good will come back, but we have to believe we are worthy of receiving. That was and is still a major challenge for me, but it's true and we have to keep reminding each other and ourselves. Blessings!