LOL! That's pretty good! As far as the paddle holster goes, I have used Fobus and Blackhawk and they are both great polymer holsters I liked the Black Hawk better at the time I was wearing it because it had a button that you had to press on the side to release a locking mechanism so the weapon could be drawn. I was wearing that one while I was a criminal Detective. The fobus holsters that I wore, were some that I had purchased for different pistols and they worked just fine. I also have had a few leather paddle holsters by Galco which were fine. But to be completely honest with you, I can't really recommend a good paddle holster because I haven't worn one in a very long time and I know that several manufacturers make them. If you find a good one, let me know!