I Stood Up For Myself... Not How You Might Be Thinking 😜 - Daily D00k13

d00k13 (75)in DTube • 3 years ago

What’s up my Peep’s, welcome to the Daily @D00k13. In this video while out for a walk I talk about something all of us will be faced with in life, the moment I needed to ask for help. It was a beautiful day in Victoria stopping after work for a meander around some very private trails I had intended to just record nature. Quickly after sitting to record my mind started to race about the events which had just transpired, sometimes I feel the need to vlog … not just talk but make a record of it!

Having been in recovery for several months and returning to work, after 3 weeks I had started to feel like the work before me was too much but had not truly recognizing it. I had been trying to communicate but as my usual in all the wrong ways to all the wrong people. I needed help, and for several reasons was feeling stuck. Feeling stuck creates an unprecedented need to perform within out being like being backed into a corner triggering the fight or flight mechanism. With having learned this face I tend to naturally down regulate and at times can be unaware of when I am regulating a justified feeling or emotion.

I stood up for myself but now how you might think. I did not immediately ask for help but rather the help was a response to my cry. I say cry because I literally stated “I don’t think I can do this anymore” which was slightly misinterpreted to being actively suicidal, albeit it caught there attention, it was not my intention. I stood up for myself in the means of asking for help even though I may not have used the English language the best I could have. I had decided to either get a resolution to my problem or I would simply have to find other employment, only 2 options about it.

First we needed to identify my problems. Not the results of my personal reaction to the problem but the actual problem. I had not done this, and surprisingly to me with the help of my employer I was able to. In previous my other employers were not able/willing to “cater”, as they put it, to any employees needs. 10 years at that employer and the culture is still ingrained in my psyche which made me fear the meeting with my currently employer for no reason. I could have likely solved my problems before getting to the point of needing surgery if I had been willing to communicate my needs as a reliable employee. I did literally “herniate a disc and keep working” for the company as my father put it. If that isn’t dedication then I don’t know what is.

What I have learned is that my dedication does not need to be my sacrifice.