“TOXIC RELATIONSHIP” (22nd February 2023).

A relationship is said to be “toxic” when your well-being is threatened maybe emotionally, psychologically or even physically. A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood or attacked.
Every single relationship has a level of toxicity. Nothing is perfect, there’s always some work to be done. But it is when toxicity goes out of control that problems arise.

What is your understanding of a toxic relationship?give some examples

Every relationship entails work. We all are not perfect. We have to learn to accommodate one another’s fault. Some relationships are more difficult and requires more work. We are individuals and not some objects, so in most relationships we are bond to have difficulties and disagreements but because we value this relationships we are willing to make the efforts it takes to keep them.
But for Toxic Relationships, this relationships have mutated themselves into something with the potential to be extremely harmful to our wellbeing if not corrected. These relationships are not necessarily hopeless, but they require extra work if they are to be changed to be healthy. There is this paradox that “in order to have a reasonable chance to turn a toxic relationship into a healthy relationship, we have to be prepared to leave it” lol.
A toxic relationship will damage one’s self esteem and drains energy. A toxic relationship is not a safe place at all. A toxic relationship is characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, and control. We risk our very being by staying in such a relationship.

Have you or any close friend ever been in a toxic relationship?Share your experience

Yes I’ve been there, and if it's taught me anything, it's that sometimes cutting ties with a toxic person is the best thing to do for yourself.

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I was 18 when I met my ex boyfriend who was 21. We had known each other for about two months before we went on our first date and then began dating that same night. The first 4months were incredible honestly, I was so happy I had finally found someone to love me for me and accept who I was. He was sweet, kind, understanding, and listened to me without a single complaint. Atleast until when I decided I was ready to give myself to him. After a couple of months of being together, he became pressuring me about the whole thing. But due to my Christian background I stood my grounds and denied giving myself to him. After about a month later, he began to get less patient with me, less understanding, and he became uncommunicative with me and wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to tell him what was bothering me. He acted as if my depression and anxiety were a massive burden to him and would get annoyed with me whenever I got paranoid or super down some days. He would constantly say that I had no reason to be depressed because I had him to make me happy, which he did, but it should be known that, that’s not how depression works. This continued for about the 8th month throughout the entirely relationship. It became soo bad that the amount of times we get into nasty arguments over little things that should have been easy to work through or never even should’ve mattered is outrageous. He would constantly shut me out when I got severely upset or when he’d get angry and we’d never get to talk through what went wrong. But because he felt he was doing much for me and I couldn’t give myself to him(satisfy his sexual desires) and since he had promised never to beat me, he will get really angry sometimes and lock me up in a room in his house for some time then after a while he will come open the door and ask me to leave and go home. This made him strted loosing interest in me slowly. His attitude towards me because worser and worser as the days go by. It was such an emotional torture for me. At such a tender age it got me thinking what if I just give in to this guy besides I love him but what if that’s just what he wants from me and he doesn’t really care. I consider this relationship toxic because I wasnot mentally stable. I really loved my ex but then I was thinking of the possibilities of me given myself to him and he not ending up with me. Soo I had a lot going through my mind at such a tender age. I would like to say if you are not ready to get into a relationship then don’t even think about it.

What are some Coping strategies for victims of a toxic relationship?
Well not every toxic relationship can be avoided. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship where you bring out the worst in one another, you may want to work on the relationship and change the dynamic particularly if there are other benefits to the relationship. Below are a few points on coping with a toxic relationship.

• Discuss what you see as a problem and decide together if you want to change the dynamic to ensure that both of you get your needs met.
• If you decide to talk about your concerns, use "I feel" statements when describing your feelings and emotions. Doing so helps keep them from feeling defensive.
• Realize that some toxic people simply are unwilling to change especially those who lack self-awareness or social skills.
• Try to non-confrontationally stand up for yourself when the situation warrants it.
• Tell the person directly that you are choosing to end the relationship and list your reasons.
• Let the relationship fade away over time, slowly communicating with this person less and less.
• Discontinue communication immediately (particularly if a relationship is threatening your safety).

As a counsellor, what advice will you give victims of a toxic relationship?

• Cut contacts with your toxic partner
If you were or are subjected to any form of Toxic relationship. it is helpful to leave as soon as possible and cut all contact with your toxic partner. You can change your phone number and stay with your family. And if you need your belongings, you can arrange a date and time for someone to collect them for you.
• Learn to relax

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Self care is a human right, and it starts with looking after yourself, this is a great first step in relieving the psychological trauma of escaping a toxic relationship. Alcohol may seem like an easy remedy, but it will only cause more harm than good. Instead, you can try natural remedies like therapies, etc.

• Focus on your goals

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When you leave a toxic relationship, it can be challenging to shift your focus toward positive change in your life. Anxiety, depression, self-harm, and eating disorders are common side effects of exposure to emotional and physical abuse, and these issues will negatively impact your life. Fortunately, help is always available, reaching out to a physician, therapist, or a charitable organization can help put you back on track.
• Talk to a friend or family
If you are lucky enough to have close friends and family, you can talk to them about what happened. It is said that talking about your problems and negative emotions with someone you trust helps reduce emotional, psychological, and even physical ailments.
• Plan a new beginning
As you move forward from a toxic relationship, you can think about how you can make a new beginning. Some people feel safest moving to the opposite side of the country, or even another country entirely. However, you might have family roots and children to consider, and that’s okay too. Starting over again means you can be what you always wanted and make positive changes toward that goal.

CONCLUSION

Everyone learns from the past, and the unpleasant actions of earlier partners affects the way they behave with a new companion. The terrible things that other lovers have done, can eventually harden a person, and makes them hesitant to place themselves in a vulnerable position. Certainly, one must learn from life, but one must also apply this knowledge appropriately. The hard lessons of the past teach you to beware of certain signs in a person’s behaviour, and what others are capable of doing. This can be difficult, because individuals are “on their best behaviour”, and you are not thinking clearly due to the hormonal influence. For these reasons, people should invest the time to get to know one another, prior to becoming intimately involved.

I hope this goes along way to help anyone in such a relationship. Feel free to add your contributions in the comment section. Thank you 😊